Hold the Onions and Hair Please

Tonight my mom and I swung by Sonic and I ordered a Jr. Delux Burger and some tater tots.  When I got home, I discovered two things about my burger:  1.  The meat was missing and 2. There was a hair where my meat should have been.

I was a little annoyed but didn’t want to drive back to correct a $1 burger.  But then my stomach growled and I really did want that burger, so back to Sonic I went.

On the drive over I was thinking about the situation and what I was going to have to tell them and started to laugh.  Sure it’s gross but to not get any meat on a burger?  Seriously, who gets orders like that?  Oh right, I do.

I pulled in and pressed their little red button and the following conversation happened:

(perky high school girl voice) Welcome to Sonic.  May I take your order?

(my dry sarcastic boss from Office Space voice)  Yeah, I was just here and ordered a Jr. Delux Burger.  It was missing the meat but it did come with a hair.  So… I’d like a new burger.  One with meat but minus the hair.  That would be great.  Thanks.

I would almost pay money to have been inside to hear me say that over the intercom.  Imagining the looks on their faces will have to do I guess.

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I Hope Those Don’t Fall Off

This past weekend it rained.  This let me know that a) winter is on it’s way – blech! and b) I really needed some new windshield wipers.  It’s supposed to rain again this weekend (why does it always rain on the weekend but not during the work week??) so I went to an auto parts store to get some wipers.  I walk in and I’m the only person in the store with two employees behind the counter, one of whom is on the phone.  The other employee asks me if I need some help.  So I tell her that yes, I need some wipers but am not sure which ones I need.  At that point her phone rings and she tells me to hold on for just a minute.  One minute turned into two, and two turned into three, and well you get the point.  Neither one was on the phone with their same original call and I was starting to wonder if I had really wandered into a call center with an auto parts store as a cover.    And based on their conversations I don’t think either were on the phone with actual customers the whole time.  The one guy said shit twice right into the phone so, yeah pretty sure that wasn’t an actual customer.  I hope not anyway.

At this point I’m ready to walk out and go somewhere else when another guy materializes from the back and asks if I’ve been helped yet.  I tell him no and what it is I’m in there for.  We go over to a computer and he asks what car I drive so I say, “2002 Xterra”.  His response – “that’s a Nissan right?”  Um, yes it is.  Are you sure you’re qualified to work with vehicles?  Then he asks me something else that I’m pretty sure had nothing to do with the kind of windshield wiper I would need but made me feel kind of stupid because I didn’t know the answer.  It was something like is it a 2 or 3 gallon (gallon of what I don’t know)?  Or maybe it was if you were driving southbound on I-15 at 75 MPH and a camel spit in Egypt, would it rain in the Amazon?  Uh…huh?  Sir, unless I’m driving with camel spit on my car in the Amazon I fail to see how the type of wiper I would need applies.

Anyway, he keeps looking something up on his computer and then walks back and forth to the windshield wiper section.  Finally he gets some and asks if I only need the blade or the whole thing.  Now this is a new concept to me.  Maybe it’s common for people to only want the blade instead of the whole attachment.  I don’t know.  But at the time, and currently in my car ignorance, I’m thinking “no dude, I want you to pull out your exacto knife and trim off the blade please.  And while you’re at it, do you have any duct tape I can use to attach it to the battered wipers?”  But like I said, maybe it’s quite common to only need a blade.  So I say that yes I would like the whole thing and then he asks me if they look right, like the ones I already have on my car.  Well, if I could look at wipers and know if they were the ones I needed I wouldn’t need you.  I tell him I’m not sure so we walk out to look at my car.  He pulls one out and holds it up to the original wiper and says “well it looks like the other one.  I think it should work.”  Well I really hope so.

We go back in and he rings me up and then offers to put them on my car for me.  I’m slightly hesitant because I’m really not sure if he knows what he’s doing but then again neither do I really, so I give him the go ahead.  They’re now on my car and fingers crossed, they’ll serve me well this weekend.

* My little disclaimer: I would like to say that I realize this entry makes me seem like I was angry and or annoyed (or dare I say pissed) with the worker.  However, I was never rude and the mood of the moment, on my part anyway, was quizzical.  It wasn’t until I was leaving and then recapping the incident to a co-worker that I realized just how peculiar the whole exchange was.

Hello McFly

Lastnight I went to Target looking for one of those giant exercise balance balls.  I LOVE Target and usually find whatever I’m looking for at a good deal.  What I expected to be a quick trip took over an hour to accomplish.  I headed back to the Yoga/Pilate section and found a lot of those balance balls but there were all part of a kit for $30.  Ridiculous.  I just wanted the ball.  Finally I see a sign advertising only a balance ball for $12.  Perfect.  The problem was that there weren’t any actually being displayed.  So I went looking for a Target team member and that’s when I met Will.  I could tell by looking at him that it might be a little bit of a struggle to get what I was wanting but seeing how I couldn’t find anyone else I thought I would take my chances. 

I had him come over to the display/sign area and showed him the ad and that there weren’t any balance balls there.  I asked him if he knew or could check in the back to see if they still had some in stock or if they were really sold out. 

His response: “Umm.  (pause) Umm.  Yeah I don’t really know.  Umm.  Huh.  There isn’t a bar code anywhere.  Umm.” 

So I say: “Well, is it possible to look up the brand name in the back or on a computer and see if you have any in stock?”  

Him: “Umm.  Huh.  I’m not sure.  Umm.” 

Me: “It’s ok.  Thanks.”

So I go in search of someone else that might be able to help me instead of trying to channel their inner Yoga instructor by saying Umm all the time.  I’m searching everywhere for anyone that works in this store.  It’s so true that when you’re looking for help no one is around.  Finally I find another worker and explain what I want and bring her over to the display.  On the way over, we pass Will and she calls out to him if he can come and help us.  I look over my shoulder and say outloud (though I don’t think either heard me) “No.  He can’t help me.  He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

I point out the ad again and again ask if it’s possible that there might be some in the back.  She, for whatever reason, turns to him and asks if he knows if there are any in the back.  His response, “Umm.  Well it says here you can get the balance ball or the DVDs.  The DVDs are right here.”  Thanks Einstein. 

 Me: “Yes they are.  But I don’t want a DVD, I’m looking for the balance ball.”

Him: “Umm.  Well, I think, uh, if you look here (and he’s actually pointing to the sign) it says that you can get the balance balls or the DVDs.  And we have the DVDs right here.”

Me:  ” Uh-huh.”

Him: “So it’s the balance ball or DVDs.”

At this point my patience with this kid was gone. 

Me:  “Yes I can read that the sign says you can get the balance ball OR DVDs.  I can see that you have the DVDs here.  I can also see that there is no balance ball on display.  I get that.  My original question is, do you have any more balance balls in stock in the back or have they all sold out?”

Him: “Umm.”

Me:  “Nevermind.  I’m going to another store where I can find someone who can answer my question and help me.”  Was that a little rude on my part?  Probably.  But I really had been outwardly calm sounding up to that point.  And I managed to bite my lip from asking him point blank if he had any balls or not.

I left the store and headed to that oversized garage sale store known as TJ Maxx.  And wouldn’t you know, I got my balance ball for $12 – and it even came with a DVD at no additional cost.

Do you want fries with that?

A good while back, I noticed that sometimes it gets confusing at the drive-thru.  You place your order, and the worker is left wondering if you’re done or still thinking of more items you want.  They then ask you “is that all?” or “would you like anything else?” and you either answer with “yes that’s all” or “just a second.”  So back in the day I decided to help clear things up by saying “that’s all” or “that’s all I want” so the worker will know when I’m done.  Sounds like a good strategy doesn’t it?  So imagine my surprise (which has grown to annoyance) when I place my order and say that’s all I want only to have the worker ask if I want additional menu items.  Hello!!  If I wanted those things I would have asked for them to begin with.  I understand that there are some fast food places that require their employees to ask customers if they would like to supersize items.  This is annoying in and of itself b/c if I wanted them supersized I would have asked, but to ask if I want more AFTER I tell you that I don’t…well that’s just plain stupid.  Case in point, just today I went to Burger King and said this “Hi.  I would like a whopper jr. with no onions and no pickles.  That’s all I want.  Thank you.”  Only to get this response, “do you want fries and a drink with that?”.  No.  No I don’t.  Pay attention!