It’s an Update

Hey remember when I used to do updates all the time?  No?  Well I did.  I haven’t logged on to wordpress for a few weeks so I thought if one was appropriate I guess it would be now.

Thanksgiving was nice.  My oldest sister and her family came down for a few days and it was nice to see them.  I even went shopping on Black Friday.  This is HUGE for me because I hate shopping on regular Fridays (and every other day for that matter) so to go on the busiest shopping day of the year is a little mind blowing.  No I didn’t get up early or camp out at a store.  Matter of fact, I don’t think we even went until 10:30 the next morning.  At most places “early bird” sales were still going on and there was still plenty of stuff still in stock so ha ha all of you who got up and stood in line in the cold all night.

School, school, school.  What can I say except I can’t wait for you to be over this semester.  Only two weeks to go and I hope the time flies.  Thanksgiving really messed me up motivation wise and for that I almost wish we hadn’t had a week off.  Trying to get back into this week has sucked.  Tonight I turned in an assignment not due until Saturday.  Which would be awesome except I submitted it to the wrong place and couldn’t take it back.  I emailed my professor and hope she’s cool and fixes it for me.  It’s an easy fix for her but she may want to teach me some lesson or something.  Hope not.  I’m really not interested in learning anymore lessons of any kind, especially a life one and it could really screw up my grade which would be a shame because for the first time ever, I’m actually doing really well in school.

And the preschool, what can I say about that?  Except ’tis the season…for coughing in my face and wiping snotty noses on my sweatshirts.  If I don’t end up sick it’ll be a Christmas miracle for sure.

I got my hair done last week.  I had the girl cut almost 4 inches off, shorten up the layers, thicken the bang area, and do an overall darken.  It feels so much better and it’s still kind of long which is good b/c I prefer my hair pulled back most of the time.

And finally, what’s with everyone searching the word gumby?  And why does that bring them to my blog?  I checked my stats for the first time in forever and 61 people alone used that to find my blog today.  Is this the seasonal-comeback-retro-fad toy this year?  I’m so out of the loop.

Hold the Onions and Hair Please

Tonight my mom and I swung by Sonic and I ordered a Jr. Delux Burger and some tater tots.  When I got home, I discovered two things about my burger:  1.  The meat was missing and 2. There was a hair where my meat should have been.

I was a little annoyed but didn’t want to drive back to correct a $1 burger.  But then my stomach growled and I really did want that burger, so back to Sonic I went.

On the drive over I was thinking about the situation and what I was going to have to tell them and started to laugh.  Sure it’s gross but to not get any meat on a burger?  Seriously, who gets orders like that?  Oh right, I do.

I pulled in and pressed their little red button and the following conversation happened:

(perky high school girl voice) Welcome to Sonic.  May I take your order?

(my dry sarcastic boss from Office Space voice)  Yeah, I was just here and ordered a Jr. Delux Burger.  It was missing the meat but it did come with a hair.  So… I’d like a new burger.  One with meat but minus the hair.  That would be great.  Thanks.

I would almost pay money to have been inside to hear me say that over the intercom.  Imagining the looks on their faces will have to do I guess.

Alice Cooper Lied

School’s out for summer
School’s out forever
School’s been blown to pieces

No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher’s dirty looks

-Alice Cooper

August 30th will be my first day back to school in almost 10 years.  Ten years people – an entire decade!  Since I’ve only had three of them it’s like saying “a third of my life ago, I was in school.”  Egads.

I’ve said on here before that if you’re ever in a natural disaster or experiencing a legitimate crisis, you want me there.  I’m cool, calm, and collected in these situations.  But tell me when I’m in line at McDonald’s the shake machine is broken and I have a melt down.

Likewise, my reaction to important decisions that will a affect my life vs. those that in reality are inconsequential are seemingly backward.  For example, every so often I get the notion to change my hairstyle (trust me, this definitely constitutes as an important decision that affects my life.  Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.)  Not a little trim or slight highlights but full on, whack off a foot or more, I can no longer pull my hair back in a ponytail because it’s so short haircut.  And from the time this notion first occurs, to the time I act on it,  is almost always within 24 hours.  No thinking, no waiting, no second guessing.  Ask me which restaurant I want to eat at for dinner and you’ll be eating a pre-dinner to tide you over until I come up with a place.  You know come to think of it, maybe I just have issues with food.  Hmmm.

I’ve been hanging out in Arkansas without a plan and not knowing what it was that I was wanting to do about it.  Well, I knew what I wanted to – nothing.  But that wasn’t exactly conducive to my predicament so one day I thought, “Fine.  I’ll go to grad school.”  The next day I went over to the local university and walked in the door and said, “I have a BSW, I guess I want to teach elementary, what program do you have that will get me doing that the fastest and cheapest way.”  Ok, so that wasn’t exactly what I said but more or less.

And that was the start of the last couple of month’s whirlwind of grad school run-around that I’ve been playing.  No real thought went into the decision.  No research examining different programs and no arming myself with information before going into battle.  Just walked in and began to acquire information on what I guess the university sees as a need to know basis.  Which is a tad ironic since I need to know everything now and not one person seems to have ALL the information needed.  But that’s a whole other frustrating post.  But regardless, I registered for fall in a program I knew nothing about a couple weeks prior.

I discovered that as part of my admissions I must take the GRE.  Technically, according to the program, I have until the end of my first semester to submit test scores.  In the meantime, I’m considered a conditional student.  Personally I didn’t care what my status as a student was until I  learned I cannot qualify for financial aid as a conditional student.  No financial aid means no school and no school means I’ve been wasting my time the past couple of months with all this application crap.  Again, a whole other frustrating post.

Bottom line – take the GRE sooner rather than later and begin the paperwork for financial aid.  The hype for the GRE makes it out to be one of the hardest tests you can take and in many circumstances it determines whether you will be admitted into the grad school of your choice.  People shell out a lot of money in prep materials and to take special classes for months to get themselves ready.  And the test itself is $160.

Me?  I signed up for it last week and took it today.  No studying.  No special classes.  No prep materials.  I got online and spent about 20 min on a practice run and called it good.  And you know what?  The test wasn’t that bad.  I’m not saying I’m a genius or anything, well actually I would like to go on record saying I’m a genius.  Of course the GRE test grading computer strongly disagrees with my genius declaration and instead, deems me as average – more or less.  A little less when it comes to math but that’s not any shocking revelation.

But as a whole, the test questions didn’t seem crazy hard and if I had studied or had been enrolled in school for the past decade, I probably could have done a little better.  But I didn’t and haven’t been so I’m happy with the result.  And I guess it doesn’t hurt that the university I’ll be attending views the GRE as a formality to complete and virtually has no interest or concern in my score.  No pressure there.

So there you have it.  My more recent life altering decisions brought about from practically zero thought or foresight.  I really thought Alice Cooper had something but I guess I’ll have to wait another 2-3 years before this song has any validity for me again.

I’m Not a Productive Person but I Play One on TV

For the past two weeks I’ve had Back to the Future Syndrome.  Usually this is when you move back home after a year or more and it feels as though you never left but you can’t remember being there.  And things have changed while you were gone but since it feels like you never left, you aren’t sure when all the changes could have happened.  And there you have the final scene when Michael J. Fox wakes up after only a night and yet a week had passed and nothing was as it was before: Back to the Future Syndrome.

Well I haven’t gone anywhere but the days have gone by so fast, I can’t really remember them.  And yet I was here.  Maybe it’s a Back to the Future in reverse.  Or sideways.  Maybe I’m actually in an episode of Lost.

What I can sort of remember is that my brother was in town for a week during semesters at school.  Has he really been gone four months already??  I’m still around kids ALL THE TIME which has really just blurred into a collage of sand, snot, building blocks, and funny conversations.  Earth Day was yesterday and I helped the kids create the Earth in art form using blue/green paint, a magnet, a coffee filter, and a save the Earth sticker.  It was as though I had transformed into a craft version of Macgyver.

I’ve been tanning so I no longer have to write CLEAR on forms that ask what race I am.  And I got my hair highlighted this past week and absolutely love it.  I don’t know why I don’t get my hair done more often.  I come out of there feeling like the greatest thing since sliced bread.  I’ve been feeling so good the past few days I’ve been bust’n a move to old school Madonna in my car.  You’re welcome people I pass on the road.  Road workers outside my neighborhood, I’m talking specifically to you.

I spent a few hours this week laying sod (thank you tetris for giving me mad skills that finally came in handy – I knew you weren’t a waste of time) and tomorrow I’m going to donate blood so my “humanitarian” efforts for the week can be checked.  I also made 5 dozen cookies and have dough to make another two – just thought I would randomly throw that in there.  This time next week I’m going to be back in Illinois visiting my sister and her family with my mom.  Next weekend is also Toad Suck Daze here and for those (all of you) who don’t know what that is don’t worry, I’ll explain in my next post.  But speaking of traveling, my family has been trying to get a mega trip together this summer.  I don’t know all the details yet but I can tell you it looks like I’ll be going from Arkansas to Utah to Idaho to Utah to Idaho to Utah to California possibly back to Utah or if not back to Arkansas.  All in two weeks.  And I’m trying to squeeze a side trip of my own in there to Spokane for a few days.  If you feel like contributing to that fund by all means, go with those feelings and help a fellow blogger out.  No?  Well, you can’t fault me for asking.

Oh and did I mention I’m sort of thinking about going back to school?  Oh how I love that I can make my life seem more busy and productive than it really is.

Bumpits, Alien Babies, and Some News

I’m not a big fan of watching the news.  The stories are rarely positive and uplifting and I figure I can scan the news blips on the internet faster than sitting and listening to them drone on.  But a few weeks ago I was flipping through the channels and noticed something I hadn’t before.  When did news anchors become the official unofficial models for the bumpit?  I became mesmerized by this lady’s large growth coming out of her head.  And it wasn’t just that network.  All the stations had at least one anchor that could use her hair as an extra locker to keep her purse.

Speaking of, remember Debbie Harry’s character in the original Hairspray movie?  She kept a bomb in hers.  And Ricki Lake was busted out of jail in time to dance a new dance she called the bug while wearing a pink dress with roaches all over it?  I have to buy that movie!

Anyway, between news anchors and the women of Utah and Idaho, bumpits are well on their way to world domination.  She looked an awful lot like this girl:

And the more I stared, the more I started making other connections:

I have no idea what it means yet but I’m sure I’m on the verge of cracking some great conspiracy.

Ever notice how alien faces look like newborn baby faces?  I’m talking straight out of the womb, still covered in goo baby faces.  This is an underlying concern I have, should I ever have kids of my own.  I don’t know if I’ll want to look at it right away.  I may have to wear Ellen Degeneres blindfolds while I’m giving birth just to cover my bases.

Maybe this is the real reason women are required to stay in the hospital so long after delivery, to give the kid a chance to morph into a more human looking form so parents won’t be freaked to take them home.  I’m just saying.

I tried in vain to find a picture of the local news anchor that inspired this entry but I couldn’t.  It didn’t help that I couldn’t remember her name or which station she works for but those are just minor details.  So instead I found something else that I’ll leave you with.  I thought this was so hysterical I watched this clip over and over for at least twenty minutes.  Enjoy.

My Eyebrow Wax

Last Sunday, at the last minute, I decided to go with my mom and sister on their drive across the country moving my sister from LA to DC.  While I may get into that in another post, this one is all about the eyebrow wax.  We arrived in Virginia yesterday early afternoon and my mom and sister had already planned to get pedicures.  I passed on that but said I would try out an eyebrow wax because I’d never had one and figured why not.

*For the following, anything written like this is my inner dialogue and not what I actually said.  In reality I didn’t say much of anything and layed perfectly still without flinching once.

I went in the back room and the lady had me lay down on the table.  Ooh this is kind of relaxing and  I’m tired from being in the car all week. Then she puts some hot wax on the bottom of my left eyebrow.  Ok, seriously I’m about to fall asleep. Next comes the paper thing she puts on top of the wax and pats it down.  I have SO missed out on getting pampered!  This feels like pure heav…RIP!!!..HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JOSEPHINE!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LADY??  THAT’S MY EYE!!!

She starts the process again, putting wax on the top of the same eye.  In the meantime I’m desperately trying to slow my heart rate back down to a normal pulse.  I’m almost successful when RIP!!  GAHH!!  IS THERE ANY EYEBROW LEFT??!? This is when my eye starts to water.  Lovely.

The wax is now being put on my right eye and I’m already conditioned like Pavlo’s dog.  I know what’s coming and I’m half tempted to tell her to leave it alone.  I don’t care how funny it’ll look with only one brow done.  She rips it off and starts on the top.  Ok, just one more and you’re through.  One more.  One more.  One more. RIP!  Alright.  You’re done. Good j…what is she doing?  Why is she putting wax in between my eyes?  Oh my gosh, please no.  I promise I’ll pluck.  I’LL PLUCK!! RIP!

She then asks if I want my upper lip done as well.  “No I’m good.  Thanks though.”  Absolutely not!  Are you crazy?  I don’t care if I’m a shoe in to be the bearded lady in the circus.  Step away from the wax and away from my face.  We’re done.  We. Are. Done.

I’m through and she holds up her mirror for me to take a look.  Only I can’t see anything because my eyes are watering and everything is blury.  I start laughing because I can only imagine how funny the whole thing must look.  She started to laugh a little as well but kudos to her for keeping it pulled together for the most part.  There’s no way I could do her job.  I know I would start laughing before I even pulled the first strip.  Just the anticipation of their reaction would totally make my day.  And that would make it worse because if I were laughing I wouldn’t be able to pull as hard and fast as I’d need to which would cause me to laugh even harder.  There really should be some hidden cameras in there.  Like the ones they use for rides at amusement parks so when you leave you can buy your photo at the front.  It makes me smile just thinking of it.

And even though it’s a little red and a few little bumps have shown up, over all it looks pretty good.  Guess I’ll be back in there in a few months.

Dusting Off the ‘Ol VCR

Afternoons seem to be the longest part of my day and while I love reading, books are starting to become synonymous with naps.  And since Jerry Springer and Tyra aren’t really my style, I’ve been picking a movie from my VHS archive to watch everyday.  A few years ago my older sister gave me close to 30 of them because I still had a working VCR and they were promptly placed in one of the cabinets in my entertainment center never to be seen until now.  I’ve watched my DVDs so many times I might be able to write entire scripts from memory and as I was pulling them out yet again I remembered the old tapes.  It was like finding random junk at a garage sale you didn’t know you needed until you saw it.  I had completely forgotten (and maybe for a good reason) what movies I had under there.  Some of them I hadn’t seen since they had originally come out sometime in the early to mid 90’s.

1.  The Fugitive:  Wasn’t this a big deal when it came out?  It seems I remember this being a blockbuster but maybe I’m wrong.  I also remember there being a flux of movies staring Harrison Ford that came out around this same time all with the same basic kind of plot.  And speaking of the same, has Tommy Lee Jones ever been a different character?  I mean seriously!  The dude is always the tough crusty old man working for the government but a real softy on the inside.  Expand your horizons would ya?  Oh wait, scratch that.  He played Two Face in Batman Forever.  On second thought, stick to what you know best.

2.  Forever Young:  Talk about young, Mel Gibson doesn’t look that much older than me in this movie.  Though it was Elijah Wood that stole the show.  When this came out I thought he was going to grow up to be an incredible actor.  And maybe he is but all I’ll ever see him as is a hobbit.  And not just any hobbit, but the one that really got on my nerves for 9 hours.  The makeup the put on Mel at the end to make him look old was funny at first, then kind of gross, then just plain scary.  I’m betting their hair and makeup people didn’t win any awards.

3.  Little Women:  Dull and boring.  I think this was the movie I paused to get something to drink and ended up doing my dishes.  And I kept thinking “Geez, Kirstin Dunst was even annoying as a kid for crying out loud.”  And I discovered that in the 90’s I had the same hair as Laurie.  Don’t remember who Laurie was?  Well it was their neighbor…who was a boy.

christian bale

That’s Christian Bale and not me in case anyone wasn’t sure.  But trust me, the hairstyle was the same.

4.  Teen Wolf:  This movie is so bad it’s kind of funny.  My favorite is when his dad becomes a wolf.  He looks like a gerbil on steroids.  I wonder if this is the same make up crew they used on Forever Young, it wouldn’t surprise me.

5.  3 Musketeers:  Now this was a good movie.  Chris O’Donnell not so much but Kiefer Sutherland?  Oliver Platt?  Even Charlie Sheen had some funny lines.  And I know you’re supposed to hate the bad guys but how can you hate Tim Curry?  They even had the Quaker Oats peaches and cream guy playing the King of France.  Oh wait, that wasn’t him?  Close enough.  And here’s for a bonus, remember that mega power ballad by Rod Stewart, Brian Adams, and Sting they sang for the soundtrack?  All for Love?  Well I do, they played it at every jr. high/high school/church dance that year.  For your enjoyment and viewing pleasure, they put the music video on the tape as a precursor to the movie.  Can you believe it?  This was before DVDs and special features.  Talk about fancy.

Some of the movies I’ll be watching next include Cool Runnings, Kindergarden Cop, Forrest Gump, and Batman Forever.  Yes, that Batman that showcases Tommy Lee Jones’ breakthrough role as something other than a grumpy government worker.  I can hardly wait.

My Heaven

Lastnight I was over at the park near my house, as I am almost every night, and it occured to me that it was my heaven.  So let me paint the picture for you seeing as how I did not follow my own advice about having my camera with me at all times.  In my heaven it would be sunset all day.  That perfect time in the evening when there’s still enough light to do whatever but not so much that you swerve off the rode when you turn your car west.  It’s in the upper 70s maybe even low 80s but feels cooler than that because there is a slight breeze blowing.  And heaven is a gargantuous park with soft green grass (with no chiggers!) to lay in possibly taking a nap, wide sidewalks, flowers/trees, and maybe even a pond.  In heaven I wear my shorts and groddy work out shirt because it’s unbelievably comfortable, switch between flip flops and sneakers that I don’t lace up, and pile my hair in a high, loose ponytail on my head.  And I never run out of Otter Pop Flavor Ice Popsicles or Jr. Mints.  All the orange and blue Otter Pops have already been removed and discarded from the box because those flavors are barfy and taste like cold medication. And I eat as many of the others as I want at one time,  I usually have 3-5 at one sitting.  There’s a never ending supply of good books everywhere and my Ipod battery never needs to be charged.  AAHHH, heaven!