Hold the Onions and Hair Please

Tonight my mom and I swung by Sonic and I ordered a Jr. Delux Burger and some tater tots.  When I got home, I discovered two things about my burger:  1.  The meat was missing and 2. There was a hair where my meat should have been.

I was a little annoyed but didn’t want to drive back to correct a $1 burger.  But then my stomach growled and I really did want that burger, so back to Sonic I went.

On the drive over I was thinking about the situation and what I was going to have to tell them and started to laugh.  Sure it’s gross but to not get any meat on a burger?  Seriously, who gets orders like that?  Oh right, I do.

I pulled in and pressed their little red button and the following conversation happened:

(perky high school girl voice) Welcome to Sonic.  May I take your order?

(my dry sarcastic boss from Office Space voice)  Yeah, I was just here and ordered a Jr. Delux Burger.  It was missing the meat but it did come with a hair.  So… I’d like a new burger.  One with meat but minus the hair.  That would be great.  Thanks.

I would almost pay money to have been inside to hear me say that over the intercom.  Imagining the looks on their faces will have to do I guess.

Meet Lulu

Isn’t she just the cutest?  I was on my way to Wal-Mart when I saw her trying to cross the road.  Naturally I pulled over and she became Lulu, my pet turtle.  It’s not unusual to see these little guys walking in the streets, so I’m sure she won’t be my only one this summer.  Almost as sure as I am that she will escape and be well on her way to the Mexican border by morning.  Or at least to the entry of the neighborhood.  Assuming of course a dog doesn’t get to her first.

I haven’t even had her for 12 hours and I’m already turning into some crazy turtle lady.  What would she prefer to eat? (Good grief.  She’s a turtle.)  Will she know there’s water in the bowl? (Pretty sure a turtle can find water.)  She seems to like to burrow into my shirt.  She won’t suffocate herself will she?  See, what I mean – crazy turtle lady.  And the list goes on and on.  Someone needs to start making some local friends stat!

I even went to Home Depot to get some chicken wire so I could fence her in the backyard.  When I asked the guy working there where the chicken wire was he looked at me and said, “What do you mean by chicken wire?”  Well….I mean chicken wire.  Not sure how much more clear I can be on that.

My mom asked me how I know Lulu is female and I was telling her what I had read on google.  So basically it comes down to the males being more colorful and attractive.  I guess there are a lot of species where the male is more attractive than the females.  Which I suppose makes sense if the female is choosing her mate.  I remember hearing of some species of bird where the male has to do some sort of mating dance for the female.  If she likes what she sees, then it’s on.

Sometimes I think of questions I should ask a guy on the first date and always mean to write them down.  Usually I’m thinking about them because a friend is talking to me about a bad relationship they’ve had (or are in) and I start thinking about the things I should find out beforehand.  Like, “what’s your credit score?”  “how much debt do you have and what’s it for?” “toilet paper over or under?”  “Crest or Colgate?”  “Mayo or Miracle Whip?”  You know, hard hitting questions like that.  Well now I think maybe I should take some pointers from the birds and have the guy do a little dance on our first date.   Can you imagine asking someone to do that?  Or being asked?  Hilarious.  Maybe I should do a blog entry on how we should mimic the different behaviors of species in our own relationships.  Hmm…..

Anyway, here’s one more of Lulu for the road just because she’s so darn cute.  And yes, I do realize I would never be able to tell her a part if she were next to another box turtle:

Million Dollar Question

I was wandering around Target this afternoon and made my usual stop at the movies to see if there were any exceptional deals going on (there weren’t by the way).  I was completely lost in the world of cinema when I heard a female ask in a very baby voice, “Do you think you’ll want to pee in this one?  Or do you think you’ll want to pee in this one?”  Uh….and that’s when I looked up and discovered that the movies were next to the baby section and the lady wasn’t talking to me at all.  Phew.  That was a close one.

Swimwear…I don’t know

If sending a friend request on facebook to a guy today didn’t already make me feel like I was an insecure girl back in high school, “will he accept it? or will he reject me?”  (note that he would be accepting the request but rejecting me, twisted I know) I went out and tried to find a swimsuit.  This is one of those things about being a girl that I just hate!  Guys you have it so easy in this department, just pick a pair of swim trunks, a.k.a. shorts, that fit and there you go.  Done.

I haven’t bought a swimsuit in AT LEAST 11 years which is how long ago I graduated from high school.  And I’m pretty sure I didn’t buy one my senior year so…12? 13 years?  Somehow I managed to live in Hawaii for two years without a new one but now that I’m in Arizona and in the sunshine it’s probably time.  I realize that most everyone that reads this blog is burried in snow and you don’t want to hear about all the sun I’ve been soaking up or comments on how burned I am already, but remember I did my time in the frozen tundra, thank you very much.  And can you blame for getting out when I had the chance?  Didn’t think so.

Before heading to the store I had already decided I wanted a tankini top and a pair of shorts for the bottom.  The shorts are easy, it’s looking for a  top that I was dreading.  I went into Target (I still love this store…ahem, send me free stuff!)  and saw a couple of tops that I thought might work.  Or would they?  Are they the right color combination that looks good on me?  Will they be the right colors when I have a tan?  Should I get stripes or some other design?  If I go with stripes, which direction do they need to be going to be flattering?  What about just solid colors, would they look better?  AUGH!!  And I wasn’t even in the dressing room yet.

Then there are basically two types of styles of the tankini, at least from what I could tell.  There’s the kind that is fitted all the way down and the kind that is a little more loose  in the stomach area.  At first the fitted suit was sounding like the right choice for me.  Fitted meaning the stomach is tucked in nice and secure.  But wait a minute, I just remembered I’m not Kate Moss and I like to eat actual food I have to chew, not snort white powder up my nose.  So maybe this fitted thing isn’t the way to go.  I mean, at some point I’m going to get tired of sucking it in and sitting perfectly upright like I’ve got a pole stuck up my butt.  I’m going to relax and everyone is going to discover how I can change “fitted” into “stretchy”.

But then what’s up with this more loose top?  Sure I can get away with relaxing my pooch just a little and no one will be none the wiser…if I’m sitting in a chair.  But what happens in the water?  Does this thing drift up to look like a plastic floatie around my waist?  Heaven forbid if I go with a solid black one because then I may as well call myself Ursula and chase everyone around the pool insisting I have to have their voice.

And what about the top half of the top?  Definitely wanting to keep the girls inside, no need to pull a Tara Reid, but how tight is too tight?  At some point, if you get the straps too tight you can look bigger than you really are.  And I don’t mean it in that way so it’s not a good thing.  Rather, you shoulders suddenly look like they’ve swollen three sizes and those two little straps are straining with everything they have to maintain control, so they dig themselves into your skin threatening to cut off circulation and leave bruises.  And the next thing you know, you look like a linebacker.  I stood in front of the mirror for almost 10 minutes wondering if this is how I was supposed to look in a swimming suit.  I mean, it has been over a decade so what do I know?

In the end, after three stores, I gave up and left empty handed.  But before I went home I decided to go to just one more store.  A grocery store.  Because at least there I know I’ll like how everything looks.

Feels Like Forever

Since I posted last even though it was just last weekend.  I’ve been so busy at work I just haven’t had time.  Speaking of work however, Monday is going to be my last day.  I do have a meeting with a company in CA next week so there’s a potential job opportunity there.  I’m sitting on the fence with this though.  On the one hand I was really looking forward to being unemployed and basically doing nothing for a while.  I was going to go back home and hang out before deciding my next adventure.  Which was looking like moving to Arizona.  I have no connections there, just always wanted to go.  But on the other hand, I am unfortunately responsible and recognize that I will need a job and money, so how nice of it to drop in my lap (if it works out).  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

But speaking of CA, I’ll be flying out there this next week to spend Christmas with my sister, mom, and brother.  That will be nice to get away from here and it’s got to be warmer there compared to here so that’s a definite bonus.  We got hit with multiple snow storms this week like many of you.  I hate it.  I hate snow, cold, and being wet.  Driving is a nightmare and if I were able to I would stay in bed and hibernate for 4-5 months until winter passes.  Unfortunately I do have to venture out tomorrow if for nothing else, to buy dog food for Walter.  That and I need to make it back to my apartment to clean before my mom and brother show up here Sunday night.  Nothing says “Welcome!”  than a dirty place.  And I decided to make a turkey dinner for them on Sunday so I’ll have to pull it out tomorrow as well.  Hmm, come to think of it I have a whole list of stuff I have to get out and do.  So much for staying inside and watching Arrested Development.

And that has been my most recent guilty pleasure.  When this show first came out, I was living in Guatemala and so I never heard of it.  I completely missed it’s entire three seasons and until this week, had only seen one episode.  I had heard from so many people that it was hilarious but I didn’t see the humor based on the one show.  So while staying with Walter I’ve pulled out the series my friend has on DVD.  And let me just say – hysterical.  I love this show and can not for the life of me figure out why they canceled it.  Unfortunately I left one of the cases on the floor and Walter got a hold of it and chewed it up.  I about died when I came home and saw it.  The DVD is fine, it’s just the case that’s gnawed.  I felt so bad that I had been so stupid that I ended up ordering the entire series on DVD and will replace the cover when it gets here.  Lucky for me Amazon was having an awesome deal on it and lucky for me I really like the show and will watch it over and over again.  So, Pete if you ever read this I’m sorry about the case but if you don’t read this you’ll never know.

And while I’m on the subject of Walter I’ve discovered (as if I didn’t know already) that I’m not ready to have children.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love this dog.  I’m tempted to have some legal papers drafted up for joint custody but I’m exhausted.  Every night there has been a rotation of him either wanting to play right when I’m going to bed which leads to him whining outside the door or him waking up and needing to go out between three and four in the morning.  Which means I only get another hour or two of sleep before I have to get back up again.  I’m one of these people that needs their sleep.  It was well after midnight before I either passed out and couldn’t hear him whining or he finally just stopped (that’s kind of late for me).  Then my alarm didn’t go off and for the first time in forever I didn’t automatically wake up.  I got up when I was supposed to be clocking in for work.  But it didn’t really matter because it was my second to last day and no one shows up until nine or ten.

Ok, so I could really keep going and going but if any of you have stuck around this long I won’t make you keep reading this dribble.  Hopefully a better blog will come along shortly.

A Sign of What’s Ahead This Weekend?

I leave for my trip down to Moab in an hour and a half.  I’m so excited to get out of here I can hardly stand it!  Last night I meet up with my friend at a grocery store so we could pick up a few snacks for the drive and for the hikes.  I know it seems a little silly to go shopping together for some snacks and in fact, I mentioned to her that I was going to the store and asked what kinds of stuff she wanted and she thought I wanted her to come along.  I just figured oh why not, and so there we were.  I arrived at the store before she did (she was coming from work) and called her to let her know where I was parked.  The parking lot was pretty full but I purposely parked in one of the far back corner spaces where no one was so I would be easy to spot and where I knew she could get a space near me.  Naturally, while I was on the phone with her a lady pulled up and parked directly in front of me with her high beams on.  My car is a little higher up but so was hers so they were shining directly into my windshield.  Annoying.  And she left them on for about 2 minutes while she was going through her bag.  Why she couldn’t park in any one of the other 20 spaces is beyond me but such is my life I guess.

Anyway, she gets out and packs her three kids in a cart as my friend pulls up.  We make our way into the store and it was one of those times where every single thing we went to get we found someone else right in our way getting those same items for themselves and where every aisle we went down someone followed right behind.  We finally just pulled over in the Mexican food aisle to form our shopping plan because no one, apparently, was wanting tortillas and beans for Thanksgiving.

We continued on and got everything except for granola bars.  So we head down the aisle and there’s that lady with her kids standing, you guessed it, right in front of the granola bars.  We get a little distracted looking at something else, waiting for her to leave, when all of a sudden there is a crash.  We looked up and one of her boys had knocked her shopping cart over with his little sister inside.  The little girl was fine, startled more than anything, and the mother began yelling loudly and the boys.  Talk about awkward.  We just turned and made our way out of the aisle as though we needed something else somewhere else.  I do have to say that I did sort of feel bad for the lady because even though she was upset she was probably also embarrassed.  She looked worn out and frazzled before she even went into the store and I imagine that’s what having two rambunctious looking boys and one little girl will do to you.  Or at least what hers would do to you.

So as we made our way out of the aisle we came across two guys that well, I just don’t know.  They both looked out of place but especially the one that was dressed in a girl’s pink stripped sweater that was too small for him with a low cut V-neck.  He was also wearing large, hot pink circle earrings and a glittery headband/ribbon on his head.  I really had to try not to stare but it was so unexpected that I really couldn’t help it.

Eventually we made our way back to the granola aisle, got our stuff and check out.  And wouldn’t you know that as we were stopped by my friend’s car that lady and her kids come out.  We decide to head to the library and find some books on CDs because as my friend informed me, she’s not much of a talker on road trips.  Odd but alright I guess.  It’s not much of a road trip, only 4 hours, but sure why not.  We’re looking through all the CDs when this guy keeps coming down the aisle and inching his way closer and closer.  So we move onto the next one and after a couple of minutes he shows up there as well.  AUGHHHH!  For the love!  Actually by this point, in light of the whole night thus far, we were trying not to bust up laughing.  My friend turns to me, knowing full well that all this is happening because that’s just how my life is (she’s been around me enough to know) and says, “Man your life sucks.”  Sigh.

The rest of the night went without a hitch, I think, and I’m alive to tell it today.  So really I don’t think it’s a sign of what the upcoming weekend will hold but it definitely kicked things off for us.  Though I hear it is supposed to rain while we’re there.  Figures.  Well, this has taken forever to write because I’m at work and keep getting distracted with that pesky thing called a job but now I only have 45 min. until I leave.  Score!!

Is There Any Sign of Life? Any Sign At All?

Yesterday afternoon I was out and about taking care of a few things when my car died on me.  There have been no indications of problems, no warnings, no smoke, no anything.  It just died.  All that happened when I turned the key was a clicking noise over and over.  I didn’t leave any lights on and I had a full tank of gas.  Wonderful.  So I begin making calls but no one seemed to want to answer and it’s looking like I’ll be spending the rest of my life in a parking lot in front of a tanning salon (yes I fake bake and no, I don’t want to hear anything about how tanning causes cancer or is slowly cooking me both inside and out).  At least there was a gas station across the street I could get my meals from and I did have a book so…I’m pretty much set.

As it turned out, I was not destined to be “that parking lot girl” and a friend of mine came down to have a look and basically proceeded to perform automotive surgery.  Talk about being prepared!  This guy had a mini-garage in the back of his car and as he pulled out the tools I felt slightly like a nurse in the ER.  “Nurse, I need the thingamabob.”  “Yes doctor.”  “Now the doohicky”  “Right away doctor.”

Ok, so I really didn’t have to do anything but stand there but at least I had my own set of jumper cables so that has to count for something right?  He’s cleaning off the battery because there’s goobledygook on it and says we’re going to have to go to Autozone to get some new whatchamacallit.  I’m of course, just tagging along because I don’t know what he’s talking about but he walks right over and picks up a new whatchamacallit.  Easy enough.  So we head to the front to pay, which I’m doing because they’re parts for my car after all.  I swipe my debit card and do the whole transaction only to have the guy at the register try to give my friend the receipt.  Hello??!!  Did you not just see ME take care of the entire transaction?  Did I not just use MY card and enter in MY pin number?  I realize and openly admit that I know nothing about cars other than the absolute most basic information, like they require gas, but come on!  Even if he thought we were together as a couple I don’t see why he wouldn’t hand me the receipt since I was the one handling the payment.  But I digress.

So, we get back to the car and he puts the new whatchamacallit on it and gets the car going.   I head out and drive around for 40 min or so to make sure the battery is charged.  I pull into my apartment and turn off the car then immediately try to turn it back on again to see.  Nothing.  Not even clicking sounds.  Lovely.  So I get out of the car only to realize as soon as I shut my locked doors, that my keys are still inside.  Do I have a spare set?  Yes.  Do I know where they are?  No.  I stand there for a minute looking at my car before finally saying to it, “Really?  Do you think this is funny?  First you just up and die.  I get someone to resuscitate you and not only do you die again but you keep my keys as what?  A trophy?  Some sort of prize?  You’re sick!”

Luckily I remembered the trunk was not locked and since I drive an SUV it’s not really a “trunk” in the normal sense and was able to climb through the back and get my keys.  My roommate drove around and we used her car to jump mine and decided to take it on down to the mechanic even though I knew they were closed for the day.  My plan was to leave it with a note and call them first thing this morning.  We get down there and even though they were technically closed, a few workers were there and nice enough to go ahead and put all my info in the computer so that it would be ready for them to start on today (hopefully, fingers crossed) without having to have me come back down this morning to explain everything.  In the meantime, my roommate got up and brought me into work and my fingers are still crossed that they will be able to squeeze my car in to their schedule today and get it running.

And in case they ever read my blog I really do need to say yet another tremendous THANK YOU to my friend, roommate, and the nice people over at Boyer’s Garage.  Call on me anytime for anything…unless it’s car problems.

Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number…And Apparently So is My Name

Today I was out running errands and the oddest thing happened.  The bank teller actually said my name when he had finished my transaction, as in “Ok Nandango, is there anything else I can do for you today?”  Maybe you live in a nice, quaint town where people use names regularly or people are just nicer where you live but I never hear someone use my name.  It caught me off guard and for the briefest, fleeting moment I wasn’t sure if he was still talking to me or had one of those mini android phones in his ear.

As I walked out I thought about why this had been so strange to me and discovered that I use numbers in place of my name all the time.  After saying hello at the bank the first thing I do is begin rattling off my account number.  And depending on what it is I need to take care of I could be using upwards to 4 different accounts.  Today was no different. 

Then I went over to the doctor’s office to pay a bill.  They wanted to verify my phone number, address, date of birth, social security number, double check the the check number & amount, and the invoice number.  And I’m pretty sure that when I had the appointment and handed over my insurance card it was the number they were looking for.  After the doctor I went over to an employee store where I’m known only by my employee number rather than name.  And to consolidate my student loans required the same info plus the loan numbers and driver’s license number.  I even find that when I’m doing some tasks at church it’s more valuable to produce my church membership record number rather than my name.

Need help in a busy place (like the DMV)?  Guess what – take a number.  Need to pay for purchases in a store?  Swipe your card because they’re really interested in your credit card number and expiration.  Going on a trip?  Well, at the airport you’re known as the passenger in 16 C.

So indeed it was a bit of a surprise to hear my name but you know what?  I kind of liked it.