Peripatetic Nomads

“Peripatetic nomads” are mobile populations moving among settled populations offering a craft or trade.”  And right next to this definition should be a picture of me because I’m pretty sure this is what I am.  Granted wikipedia says these people are generally either gypsies or traveling showmen like circus performers.  Ok, so I’m not a gypsy or a carnie but even still I could be a more modern day version of this, someone moving to settle populations offering my skills in exchange for work or to perform services (and no, not those kinds of services).  Since I graduated from high school 12 years ago I’ve moved back and forth between 21 cities/towns.  That’s not including moves into different apartments within the same town.  Though maybe one of those shouldn’t really count because although technically it was a different city it was only 15 min away.  And yes some of those towns are repeats but months or in some cases years, separated the time in between.  The point being that I had to pack everything up and move it, only to pack it all up and move it again later.  This last stint in Utah really slowed me down.  I was there four years which is by far the longest I’ve lived anywhere since high school.  The next longest was one full consecutive year in Hawaii.  Every other place less than a year.

I bring this up because every day it looks more and more likely that my time in Arizona is coming to an end.  I’ve been here for four months and haven’t been able to find work. I’ve been unemployed for six and while I may be great at budgeting, there comes a point when that doesn’t matter.  No money means no money.  And as I’ve been going over all my options and seeing this move as a real possibility, I’ve started getting that restless feeling and slight adrenaline at the prospect of packing and starting over again.  How I was corralled for so long in Utah at one time is a bit of a mystery I suppose.

I haven’t made any decisions one way or another, just trying to look ahead and be prepared for anything.  There’s still a real posibility and chance that I could get a job and stay put here.  Or not.  It’s like a coin toss and I’m just watching it rotate in the air not knowing what side will land on top.  And that’s kind of exciting, slightly stressful, but mostly exciting.

Won’t YOU Be My Neighbor?

Last week I had the news on as background noise but my ears perked up when the reporter announced breaking news of police in a Mesa apartment not far from where I live.   Apparently they had located a stolen vehicle in the complex and were going door to door trying to find the suspect when they came across an apartment of a man operating a meth lab.  The guy actually answered the door when the police knocked and naturally the smell of chemicals was the giveaway and he was arrested.  Putting aside the complete stupidity of a meth lab or even just using meth in the first place, why in the world would you open the door to anyone WHILE you were cooking it?  Much less to the police?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad the guy was a total moron and got caught but seriously.  How dumb do you have to be?  The report went on to say that based on evidence they found, the lab had been in operation for quite some time and that the police were 1) stunned no one had ever reported or complained of the smell coming from the apartment and 2) relieved that nothing had ever ignited causing an explotion.  Well, that makes two of us.  You know my main concern with my neighbors used to be that they would be quiet and leave me alone.  Now I have to add please don’t blow me up to the list.

My Eyebrow Wax

Last Sunday, at the last minute, I decided to go with my mom and sister on their drive across the country moving my sister from LA to DC.  While I may get into that in another post, this one is all about the eyebrow wax.  We arrived in Virginia yesterday early afternoon and my mom and sister had already planned to get pedicures.  I passed on that but said I would try out an eyebrow wax because I’d never had one and figured why not.

*For the following, anything written like this is my inner dialogue and not what I actually said.  In reality I didn’t say much of anything and layed perfectly still without flinching once.

I went in the back room and the lady had me lay down on the table.  Ooh this is kind of relaxing and  I’m tired from being in the car all week. Then she puts some hot wax on the bottom of my left eyebrow.  Ok, seriously I’m about to fall asleep. Next comes the paper thing she puts on top of the wax and pats it down.  I have SO missed out on getting pampered!  This feels like pure heav…RIP!!!..HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JOSEPHINE!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LADY??  THAT’S MY EYE!!!

She starts the process again, putting wax on the top of the same eye.  In the meantime I’m desperately trying to slow my heart rate back down to a normal pulse.  I’m almost successful when RIP!!  GAHH!!  IS THERE ANY EYEBROW LEFT??!? This is when my eye starts to water.  Lovely.

The wax is now being put on my right eye and I’m already conditioned like Pavlo’s dog.  I know what’s coming and I’m half tempted to tell her to leave it alone.  I don’t care how funny it’ll look with only one brow done.  She rips it off and starts on the top.  Ok, just one more and you’re through.  One more.  One more.  One more. RIP!  Alright.  You’re done. Good j…what is she doing?  Why is she putting wax in between my eyes?  Oh my gosh, please no.  I promise I’ll pluck.  I’LL PLUCK!! RIP!

She then asks if I want my upper lip done as well.  “No I’m good.  Thanks though.”  Absolutely not!  Are you crazy?  I don’t care if I’m a shoe in to be the bearded lady in the circus.  Step away from the wax and away from my face.  We’re done.  We. Are. Done.

I’m through and she holds up her mirror for me to take a look.  Only I can’t see anything because my eyes are watering and everything is blury.  I start laughing because I can only imagine how funny the whole thing must look.  She started to laugh a little as well but kudos to her for keeping it pulled together for the most part.  There’s no way I could do her job.  I know I would start laughing before I even pulled the first strip.  Just the anticipation of their reaction would totally make my day.  And that would make it worse because if I were laughing I wouldn’t be able to pull as hard and fast as I’d need to which would cause me to laugh even harder.  There really should be some hidden cameras in there.  Like the ones they use for rides at amusement parks so when you leave you can buy your photo at the front.  It makes me smile just thinking of it.

And even though it’s a little red and a few little bumps have shown up, over all it looks pretty good.  Guess I’ll be back in there in a few months.

Dusting Off the ‘Ol VCR

Afternoons seem to be the longest part of my day and while I love reading, books are starting to become synonymous with naps.  And since Jerry Springer and Tyra aren’t really my style, I’ve been picking a movie from my VHS archive to watch everyday.  A few years ago my older sister gave me close to 30 of them because I still had a working VCR and they were promptly placed in one of the cabinets in my entertainment center never to be seen until now.  I’ve watched my DVDs so many times I might be able to write entire scripts from memory and as I was pulling them out yet again I remembered the old tapes.  It was like finding random junk at a garage sale you didn’t know you needed until you saw it.  I had completely forgotten (and maybe for a good reason) what movies I had under there.  Some of them I hadn’t seen since they had originally come out sometime in the early to mid 90’s.

1.  The Fugitive:  Wasn’t this a big deal when it came out?  It seems I remember this being a blockbuster but maybe I’m wrong.  I also remember there being a flux of movies staring Harrison Ford that came out around this same time all with the same basic kind of plot.  And speaking of the same, has Tommy Lee Jones ever been a different character?  I mean seriously!  The dude is always the tough crusty old man working for the government but a real softy on the inside.  Expand your horizons would ya?  Oh wait, scratch that.  He played Two Face in Batman Forever.  On second thought, stick to what you know best.

2.  Forever Young:  Talk about young, Mel Gibson doesn’t look that much older than me in this movie.  Though it was Elijah Wood that stole the show.  When this came out I thought he was going to grow up to be an incredible actor.  And maybe he is but all I’ll ever see him as is a hobbit.  And not just any hobbit, but the one that really got on my nerves for 9 hours.  The makeup the put on Mel at the end to make him look old was funny at first, then kind of gross, then just plain scary.  I’m betting their hair and makeup people didn’t win any awards.

3.  Little Women:  Dull and boring.  I think this was the movie I paused to get something to drink and ended up doing my dishes.  And I kept thinking “Geez, Kirstin Dunst was even annoying as a kid for crying out loud.”  And I discovered that in the 90’s I had the same hair as Laurie.  Don’t remember who Laurie was?  Well it was their neighbor…who was a boy.

That’s Christian Bale and not me in case anyone wasn’t sure.  But trust me, the hairstyle was the same.

4.  Teen Wolf:  This movie is so bad it’s kind of funny.  My favorite is when his dad becomes a wolf.  He looks like a gerbil on steroids.  I wonder if this is the same make up crew they used on Forever Young, it wouldn’t surprise me.

5.  3 Musketeers:  Now this was a good movie.  Chris O’Donnell not so much but Kiefer Sutherland?  Oliver Platt?  Even Charlie Sheen had some funny lines.  And I know you’re supposed to hate the bad guys but how can you hate Tim Curry?  They even had the Quaker Oats peaches and cream guy playing the King of France.  Oh wait, that wasn’t him?  Close enough.  And here’s for a bonus, remember that mega power ballad by Rod Stewart, Brian Adams, and Sting they sang for the soundtrack?  All for Love?  Well I do, they played it at every jr. high/high school/church dance that year.  For your enjoyment and viewing pleasure, they put the music video on the tape as a precursor to the movie.  Can you believe it?  This was before DVDs and special features.  Talk about fancy.

Some of the movies I’ll be watching next include Cool Runnings, Kindergarden Cop, Forrest Gump, and Batman Forever.  Yes, that Batman that showcases Tommy Lee Jones’ breakthrough role as something other than a grumpy government worker.  I can hardly wait.

The Bottle of Youth

I overhear the best conversations when I’m out shopping and today was no exceptions (and may be the best to date).  I was at the checkout of a local grocery store standing behind an elderly lady.  She had to have been in her late 70s or possibly even early 80s and was looking pretty good.  I’m not sure what it is about older people and dressing to the nines when out doing mundane errands, but there she was with her hair dyed, full makeup, jewelry and pantsuit.  I on the other hand was sporting a sloppy ponytail with half my hair in my face, Nike sweatpant capris, flip flops, and an old Beatles shirt that I spilt ketchup on.  But I digress.

The cashier gives her the receipt and this is what unfolds:

Cashier: “You saved 80 cents today by using your Fry’s value card.”

Lady (with a joking voice): “Oh, a whole 80 cents.”

Cashier: “Yep, don’t spend it all in once place now.”

Lady (completely serious): “Well I was in here yesterday and bought Vodka.  And orange juice.  So I’m all set on that front.  I won’t be needing to spend any more money anytime soon.”

At that point the cashier, bagger, and myself all exchange a quick glance and tried not to bust up laughing.  Priceless.

Pizza and Organ Music, Who Knew?

Tonight I went with a group of people to dinner to a local place called Organ Stop Pizza.  Being new in town, I’d never heard of it much less been inside so I really didn’t know what to expect.  I figured it would be like any other pizza establishment but man was I in for a surprise.  I felt like I had stepped into a restaurant smack in the middle of Branson.  You know, the cheap thrill Vegas for kids and old people.  The basic set up is that this place is home to the largest Wurlitzer organ in the world which someone plays all night while you’re eating.

This is the picture of the actual organ itself minus all the pipes.  The pipes are located along the entire wall behind glass windows and a few are hanging almost from the ceiling.  The organist, who is beyond talented, takes requests people write down on cards but of course has their own set of songs or progam that they follow.  Most everything played seemed to be either a showtune or something from a Disney movie which keeps the interest of both the old and young.  It also helps, among the kids anyway, that depending on the song played puppets will come out and dance, different lights will blink, or things come down from the ceiling (for example while our organist played the Mickey Mouse song a huge Mickey Mouse banner came down).

It was a little corny but  it was also entertaining and something totally unexpected. And not in a bad way.  And I’m not going to lie, the organist had some mad mad skills!  So while I wouldn’t want to eat there everyday or even every week or even if I never eat there again, I did have a good time hanging out and meeting new people.  And I can say that I’ve seen the largest Wurlitzer organ in the world.  Yep, that’s right, that’s getting checked off my list.  Plus they sell some DVDs and CDs so you can take home the magic to enjoy in your own living room.  Huh, I do know of some birthdays coming up…bwahaha.

So Much for a Whim

The company I worked for in Utah is an international company with 48 markets world wide that bring in a billion dollars annually.  A billion dollars folks.  That’s a lot of money.  There are three divisions within the company and each have their own projects and products.  While they are mostly known for their lotions and cosmetics, I happened to work in their technological division where their main project/product dealt with scanning prints/slides/negatives and producing some sort of digitized product depending on what the distributor wanted.  I worked there for nearly four years and for the last two I directly oversaw ALL the scanning that took place.  My official title said I was a team lead digital imaging specialist.  Instead of  the words team lead, it should have said supervisor because basically that’s what I was.  At it’s height, our company brought in the highest volume of any other competing company of it’s kind in the US.  And who was it that oversaw the scanning?  Oh that’s right, me.  So I know just a little about this type of image scanning, the equipment  needed, and what it takes to successfully operate and manage this type of work at massive volumes through a company operation.  I was even offered a job in CA at a new company starting out in this same line of work as their manager to not only oversee the day to day operations, but to also help implement procedures to carry them into the international market.

I’m not bragging or boasting about what I did for this company but I wanted a clear background of where I’m coming from for the next part of this story.  So you all know that five months ago I lost my job when the operation was shut down.  The company as a whole is doing fantastic despite the economic hardships going on in the country but this particular project began to struggle.  No surprise seeing as the company is an MLM company which always carries the possibility of instability, going with the flow of it’s distributors.  This particular product became less in demand because of so many other venues people could access for their scanning needs.  Plus there’s no longevity because once your images are scanned, you no longer need this service.  Hence, no money and we shut down.  A new product was created in it’s place and those of us in the lab had the choice of trying to be fitted somewhere else within the company or to take the severance and go.  I took the money and moved.

Fast forward to a couple days ago.  While searching on the internet, I came across a local company that does the exact same thing I was doing in Utah.  It’s located about 15 min from my apartment and I figure I have nothing to lose by just showing up to their office and ask if they’re hiring.  I have no expectations and am more than willing to start at the bottom if they’re interested in hiring me.  I just need a paycheck.  To my surprise they were willing to sit down and talk with me about my experience in this field.  I honestly thought they would tell me they weren’t hiring and send me back out the door.

I sit down with the first guy and basically say that I have nearly four years experience in this line of work and he asks what company I worked for.  This is a little tricky because as I mentioned, there is the company name, division name, and then project name.  And as I said the company is really known for cosmetics and the name reflects that.  But that is the name of the company so I tell him and then quickly follow that with the project name.  Of course he gets caught up with the company name.  Remember that scene in Sixteen Candles when Jake Ryan goes to Samantha’s house the day of her sister’s wedding and Long Duck Don tells him that she’s at the church getting married? And the dialogue between them is something like

“Married?”

“Married.”

“Married?”

“Yes, Married.  Sheesh.”

Well that’s kind of what happened here.

“Skin?”

“Yes.”

“Skin?”

“Yes, skin.”

“Not scan?”

“No. Skin.”

For heaven’s sake man, did I stutter?  I already mentioned they were known more for cosmetics, sheesh!  Then he started asking me questions about the new project and what the division is currently doing.  Hello, I don’t work there.  And I told him this (of course in a nice way) no less than four times in the course of our conversation.  But he wasn’t listening because he was busy trying to google it and find it online.  And I’m not much help because the new project has a new name that they were not quite committed to when I was let go, so I wasn’t sure if that’s what they decided on or not.  And did I mention I DON’T WORK THERE!!  I don’t know anything about their new project or services they’re offering.  In a way it’s like a new and separate company.  Would you ask me the marketing strategies for Walmart when I said I worked for Target?  I’m thinking this guy would.

So he’s still trying to find it online and is pulling up random pages asking me if they’re the correct websites.  For all I know, they’ve completely revamped their web page so I’m trying to find something familiar on them but before I can answer he starts pelting me with:

“Is this the page? Is this the company you worked for? Is this the name?”

I apparently didn’t answer fast enough for him because he took that brief nano second before I could answer as an indication that I didn’t know the name of the company I had worked for, as he continued the line of questioning

“You don’t know?  You don’t know the name of the company you worked for?  You don’t know what it was called?”

AUGH!!!  Only heaven knows how I managed to sit completely composed, look him in the eye, and tell him what words he should try to type in to pull up the page.  Mercifully the correct page popped up and what do you know, all three of the names I had given him appeared on the website.  Up until that point I truly believe he thought I had made the entire thing up and created some crazy story about a cosmetic company that had branched out into the photo world.

As luck would have it, he got called to the front to help some customer and another manager came in to talk with me.  He was much more personable and more interested in my actual experience and background.  But by that point I no longer had any interest in their company and hoped they would never, ever call me.  I finished with that guy and walked out to my car and sat there for a minute thinking no way did that just happen.  And part of me felt a little sorry for them because I have more experience in this market than their company has existed and could really help them expand not only nationally but possibly internationally as well.

But on a happier note, that same day I got a cupon for a dollar off a bag of Dove’s chocolate from Target.  So all was made right once again in the world.

Job Hunt

Job hunting blows.  I seriously hate it and want people to just know that I’m freak’n awesome.  Hire me already fool!

Disney Weekend

As some of you (most of you) have probably read, I spent the weekend at Disneyland hanging out with Pammy Girl.  I can’t believe how fast the weekend flew especially since most of it was spent standing in line but fly it did.  And I have to say California Adventure is better than Disney.  Sorry Mickey but it’s true.

This is what I thought of the long lines.  And what I thought I would look like after the ride that drops you 1000 ft.  Good thing they have barf shields for those that need it.  And a very good thing I didn’t need it!

Here we are in the largest freak’n farris wheel I’ve ever seen.  Sure I’m all smiles on the outside but inside I was thinking, “if this little metal cage breaks I’m going to be very put out!”

Pammy Girl’s not the only one that learned something on this trip.  I discovered that I’m part vampire or part dead or part something not quite right because parts of my face are missing in these next few shots:

I must say the Hollywood Hotel Tower of Terror ended up being my favorite ride between both parks.  We went on it twice and both times I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

I had a blast and am glad I was invited for this last weekend hurrah!

Me Tarzan

Remember when I was bemoaning the idea of gift registries because I had to go to a wedding reception?  Well the blessed event was last week and I was anticipating a very quick in and out with a “go you” cheer in the middle.  I was relatively certain I wasn’t going to know anyone in the room which was fine because I actually had other plans that night. 

I showed up at the reception hall and imagine my complete and utter shock, when there standing right in front of me is GP.  Some of you may remember this is the guy that was my neighbor back in Utah that I could never talk to because well, he’s just too cute.

As we’re both standing there waiting to sign the guest book my mind is in hyper over drive at all the things I could say.  I mean, this is it.  My perfect opportunity that I’ve wanted and it’s finally mine.  All these things to say came to mind which I quickly dismissed and then quickly replaced only to keep doing it over and over.  I finally just went with the old fashioned “Hi” which he reciprocated. 

I’m not sure what happened after that.  I don’t know if I was so shocked to hear his voice directed to me, shocked to hear my own voice directed to him, or if my mind was momentarily abducted because the next thing out of my mouth was….nothing.  Not one blasted thing.  He turned and went on his way and the moment was over.  Smooth.  Real smooth.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.