Lincoln’s Identities Revealed

Have you heard of this new book that depicts Lincoln as a vampire hunter?  Hogwash.  Based on these wooden carvings I saw when I was in Charleston, it’s quite clear he was more zombie than vampire:

Let’s take a closer look shall we:

Yep, those are the eyes and face of a zombie.

Or what about this guy?

I can see some similarities between the two.

Or if you remove his head from his body, just go with me on this, he has the same frame as Gumby

Whether as a zombie, shrunken head, or Gumby one thing can be said for Lincoln

he stood head and shoulders…and chest (ba dum dum.  Thanks folks I’ll be here all week.  *sigh* No I won’t.) above all others in American history.