Hiccups and Kids

I woke up with hiccups this morning.  I hate hiccuping.  I don’t think they serve an actual purpose, just a way of my body sending me some sort of warning.  I don’t know what it’s warning me against exactly but the idea of being the next Charles Osborne has my attention.  They disappeared pretty soon after I got on the treadmill which is another thing I’m not fond of right now.  I wish I could be one of those people that love working out and do it willingly and obsessively.  But I don’t and I’m not.  Don’t get me wrong, I love when I start seeing results and I even like how I feel right after a workout but it’s getting started everyday that I dread.

Whoa, as I’m typing this I have the TV on and The Wendy Williams Show just started.  Is she really a guy?


Seriously, is she?  I’ve never heard of her but she has a RuPaul vibe going on.

Last Wednesday night we had an etiquette dinner for the 8-11 yr. old girls I’m a leader over.  It was pretty nice and the girls all seemed to have a good time.  At one point one of the other adults that was there helping out was telling the girls that while they’re really young now, it’s good for them to go ahead and learn proper etiquette.  That way when “you turn 16 and go on a date you’ll know which utensils to use and how to conduct yourselves properly.”  Are you kidding me?  I’m 30 and have never been taken out on a date to a place so fancy I needed to know which utensil to use.  Matter of fact, I’ve found it more helpful to know which value number I want.

In addition to working with these girls on Wednesday nights, I’ve helped a little with all the kids on Sundays.  Each week at least one of those kids says something that makes you crack up.  One week the teacher was asking the kids what makes Sunday a special day.  She was wanting typical church answers like you get to be with family or you learn about Jesus.  One kid in total sincere honesty yelled out that football was what made Sunday a special day.

And this past week one of the teachers told the kids that something really bad had happened this week.  Why she ever said that I don’t know.  Her news wasn’t really bad and even if it was, you don’t need to tell the kids and especially not by prefacing it like that.  But anyway, as soon as she said it some kid (maybe the football kid) said, “Did someone get shot?”  Good grief.  While it was kind of funny because it seemed to come out of nowhere and he was genuinely thinking he had guessed correctly, there is a little girl whose dad did in fact get shot and killed a couple of months ago.  She was thankfully not there on Sunday and the teacher quickly moved on and just told them the news.  Maybe she’ll think twice before prefacing news like that again.

I think that’s enough boring randomness for one post.  Besides, my allergy (I’ve never had allergies before.  One more sucky thing to add to the list) medication is kicking in and I’m finding it hard to focus through my foggy, medicated haze.

Childhood vs. Adulthood

When I was a kid I was always in a hurry to grow up and be an adult.  Now that I’m an adult, being a kid doesn’t seem so bad.

1.  When you’re a kid you don’t have to worry about anything.  You want food?  Voila!  There it is.  Cooked and ready for the taking.

2.  Who cares about money and paying for bills?   You have no financial responsibilities whatsoever, your biggest problem is trying to figure out how to stay up past your bed time.

3.  And while we’re on the subject of sleeping, as a kid you’re actually forced to take naps.  I wish there were mandatory nap times at work now.

4.  You have boundless energy!  There aren’t any sore or stiff muscles.  Kids don’t walk around the next day after a basketball game saying, “Oh my back!  My knees!”

5.  You want to dress up like a princess or a super hero go ahead.  You’re a kid, people think it’s cute and adorable not weird or creepy  like they will when you get older.

6.  Kids can say anything and no one gets offended.  It’s like they get an automatic free pass or something.  “Oh that’s just kids being kids.”  Well, I guess old people get this pass too so it goes to both sides.

7.  Kids aren’t inhibited by what people think.  They’re so trusting and let their imaginations take over.

Yes, being a kid definitely has its perks.  But then I got to thinking about the things I can enjoy now that I couldn’t as a kid.

1.  I can drive now.  So when I want to go somewhere, I do.

2.  Sure I may have to pay bills but I can also buy whatever I want when I want it.  No more begging and cyring in the aisle now I just swipe a little plastic card and walk away happy.

3.  So no one is fixing my food for me but I don’t have to eat things I don’t want to anymore.  I don’t like oatmeal and now I never have to eat it again.  If I want to eat brownie batter for breakfast I’m going to and no one is going to tell me that I can’t.

4.  There are no more bed times.  If I’m right in the middle of a show or doing something I can finish it that night rather than missing it or waiting until the next day.  Of course staying up late is when the mandatory naps at work would come in handy.

5.  No more bed times also means no more curfews.  When I’m with my friends I don’t have to keep looking at my watch to make sure I make it home on time.

6.  You have more life experiences and can see and understand the broader picture.

I don’t know.  Seems like there should be a happy medium between the two.