Meet Lulu

Isn’t she just the cutest?  I was on my way to Wal-Mart when I saw her trying to cross the road.  Naturally I pulled over and she became Lulu, my pet turtle.  It’s not unusual to see these little guys walking in the streets, so I’m sure she won’t be my only one this summer.  Almost as sure as I am that she will escape and be well on her way to the Mexican border by morning.  Or at least to the entry of the neighborhood.  Assuming of course a dog doesn’t get to her first.

I haven’t even had her for 12 hours and I’m already turning into some crazy turtle lady.  What would she prefer to eat? (Good grief.  She’s a turtle.)  Will she know there’s water in the bowl? (Pretty sure a turtle can find water.)  She seems to like to burrow into my shirt.  She won’t suffocate herself will she?  See, what I mean – crazy turtle lady.  And the list goes on and on.  Someone needs to start making some local friends stat!

I even went to Home Depot to get some chicken wire so I could fence her in the backyard.  When I asked the guy working there where the chicken wire was he looked at me and said, “What do you mean by chicken wire?”  Well….I mean chicken wire.  Not sure how much more clear I can be on that.

My mom asked me how I know Lulu is female and I was telling her what I had read on google.  So basically it comes down to the males being more colorful and attractive.  I guess there are a lot of species where the male is more attractive than the females.  Which I suppose makes sense if the female is choosing her mate.  I remember hearing of some species of bird where the male has to do some sort of mating dance for the female.  If she likes what she sees, then it’s on.

Sometimes I think of questions I should ask a guy on the first date and always mean to write them down.  Usually I’m thinking about them because a friend is talking to me about a bad relationship they’ve had (or are in) and I start thinking about the things I should find out beforehand.  Like, “what’s your credit score?”  “how much debt do you have and what’s it for?” “toilet paper over or under?”  “Crest or Colgate?”  “Mayo or Miracle Whip?”  You know, hard hitting questions like that.  Well now I think maybe I should take some pointers from the birds and have the guy do a little dance on our first date.   Can you imagine asking someone to do that?  Or being asked?  Hilarious.  Maybe I should do a blog entry on how we should mimic the different behaviors of species in our own relationships.  Hmm…..

Anyway, here’s one more of Lulu for the road just because she’s so darn cute.  And yes, I do realize I would never be able to tell her a part if she were next to another box turtle:

Hiccups and Kids

I woke up with hiccups this morning.  I hate hiccuping.  I don’t think they serve an actual purpose, just a way of my body sending me some sort of warning.  I don’t know what it’s warning me against exactly but the idea of being the next Charles Osborne has my attention.  They disappeared pretty soon after I got on the treadmill which is another thing I’m not fond of right now.  I wish I could be one of those people that love working out and do it willingly and obsessively.  But I don’t and I’m not.  Don’t get me wrong, I love when I start seeing results and I even like how I feel right after a workout but it’s getting started everyday that I dread.

Whoa, as I’m typing this I have the TV on and The Wendy Williams Show just started.  Is she really a guy?

Seriously, is she?  I’ve never heard of her but she has a RuPaul vibe going on.

Last Wednesday night we had an etiquette dinner for the 8-11 yr. old girls I’m a leader over.  It was pretty nice and the girls all seemed to have a good time.  At one point one of the other adults that was there helping out was telling the girls that while they’re really young now, it’s good for them to go ahead and learn proper etiquette.  That way when “you turn 16 and go on a date you’ll know which utensils to use and how to conduct yourselves properly.”  Are you kidding me?  I’m 30 and have never been taken out on a date to a place so fancy I needed to know which utensil to use.  Matter of fact, I’ve found it more helpful to know which value number I want.

In addition to working with these girls on Wednesday nights, I’ve helped a little with all the kids on Sundays.  Each week at least one of those kids says something that makes you crack up.  One week the teacher was asking the kids what makes Sunday a special day.  She was wanting typical church answers like you get to be with family or you learn about Jesus.  One kid in total sincere honesty yelled out that football was what made Sunday a special day.

And this past week one of the teachers told the kids that something really bad had happened this week.  Why she ever said that I don’t know.  Her news wasn’t really bad and even if it was, you don’t need to tell the kids and especially not by prefacing it like that.  But anyway, as soon as she said it some kid (maybe the football kid) said, “Did someone get shot?”  Good grief.  While it was kind of funny because it seemed to come out of nowhere and he was genuinely thinking he had guessed correctly, there is a little girl whose dad did in fact get shot and killed a couple of months ago.  She was thankfully not there on Sunday and the teacher quickly moved on and just told them the news.  Maybe she’ll think twice before prefacing news like that again.

I think that’s enough boring randomness for one post.  Besides, my allergy (I’ve never had allergies before.  One more sucky thing to add to the list) medication is kicking in and I’m finding it hard to focus through my foggy, medicated haze.

He Thinks You’re a Troll and Finds You Repulsive

Not quite as catchy as “He’s just not that in to you” but sometimes catchy is overrated.  Tonight I was stood up…again.  I can not count how many times I’ve been stood up or canceled on.  For the record, just so you know, it’s incredibly annoying.  I guess this blog entry is really for all you guys out there.  Why do you do this?  Why do you set up dates and then not follow through?  There’s nothing to be afraid of, she’s already said yes.  Does something happen between the time of asking her out and actually going on the date?  Like do you suddenly realize that yes, you do indeed think she’s a troll and find her repulsive?  Is it because the two of you are friends and to you it’s not an “actual date” so it’s easy to blow off?  Because newsflash for you, a date is a date.  Do you know what girls do to get ready for a date?  Seriously, do you?  We’re talking multiple clothing clothing changes, an array of different hairstyles, full makeup, etc.  I bring this up because in my personal experience of getting canceled on, the call (or text for those really classy guys) almost always comes the night of, within the hour of said date, and when I’m in the middle of getting ready.  If you’re going to bail at least do it early enough so I can make other plans.

You know what the worst excuse is?  “Sorry I forgot.”  While I’d like to give you kudo points for being honest, I take them away for you being an unimaginative jerk.  What you’re really saying is “As it turns out, I found my ____________ (fill in the blank; couch, TV, co-worker, neighbor, wall, etc.) to be more appealing than you.”  Gee thanks.  I don’t know, if I asked a guy out it would mean that I really liked him or at least was genuinely interested in spending a few hours getting to know him.  And I can guarantee that if this guy said yes, I would be so excited that I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else.

Emergencies happen and things come up – I get this.  But too many guys have ruined this for the others that I’m no longer accepting anything short of death.  And I mean his.   So I guess the point I’m getting at is guys, would you please stop asking girls out if you’re not actually going to go out with them?  I for one would really appreciate it.

Wallet Found!

My wallet was found and should be on it’s way back to me shortly.  Turns out I dropped it in my complex parking lot and one of the guys who lived below me, one that kept me up until five in the morning because of his partying, found it and let me know.  That’s the good news.  The annoying part of the story is that he found me on Myspace but I never check Myspace and I never received an email notification from them saying that I had a new message in my inbox.  I just happened to check it for something else and found it.  And based on the time stamp he sent me the email last Saturday afternoon before I ever realized the wallet was missing.  If only I had received the email none of the stress and problems would have happened.  Nevertheless, I now know where it is and it should be here with me this week.  Hurray for people who are honest and willing to help out a stranger.

I never updated what happened on the date with the little-too-happy phone guy because it was pretty uneventful.  Although I got a text from him on Sunday afternoon when he thought I was driving home and said that if I got bored on the drive to give him a call.  I didn’t by the way.  I did get some photos that you can see here under both the Blue Night Clouds and Afternoon/Night Hike.

I’m trying to come up with better blog entries but all I’ve done since I’ve been home is arrange my room, sleep, and watch TV.  Which is what I’m doing right now (watching TV) as I’m trying to type this so I’m not sure how coherent this entry is.  I’m supposed to start doing yard work tomorrow so there could be some potential there.

Sigh of Relief

I’m back home in Arkansas and the trip was completely uneventful and boring and I couldn’t be more happy about it.  I just knew something would happen because I didn’t have a license.  In trips past I’ve almost run over a litter of puppies playing on a back road after a snow storm and almost hit a drunk man walking across the highway in the dark after a down pour.  This time we didn’t see a single drop of rain or snowflake.  Oh and there was no drunk man or puppies playing in the road either.  I got a new license yesterday and it only cost me $10 and I didn’t have to take another picture which I was happy about.  And no charges went on my debit card before I cancelled it which means my wallet probably wasn’t stolen but is somewhere in my car even though I searched it from top to bottom.  AND I got to meet my brother’s girlfriend for the first time.  I haven’t spent a lot of time with her but so far I give two thumbs up. Really nice and cute girl.  And much better than the troll he was dating before (never actually met her but heard enough to form my own conclusion).  So there you have it, a brief hello to let everyone know I made it without any problems.

I Should Stick to Saying NO

I’m going on a date this week because I didn’t say no and now I’m stuck.  Yesterday I met this guy who goes to my church.  Let me recap or better, what I should say is that before yesterday I didn’t know this guy existed on the planet.  We had a little of the get to know you small talk right before church started and he’s a nice guy.  As I’m leaving the building when church is over I happen to pass him in the hallway and he asks me what kinds of activities I like to do.  I’m completely taken off guard and am scrambling to come up with something other than the standard (and completely non helpful) “hang out with my friends”.  He tells me to think about it and he’ll give me a call later, he had to go to a meeting.  I barely walk in my door when he calls to see what I’ve come up with.  The only thing I could think of  is that I’ve gotten into hiking and landscape photography this past year but in my mind I don’t think this is going to be helpful to him because it’s about 115 degrees out and there’s no way I’m going hiking in that.  Unbeknownst to me, he’s an avid hiker and knows all these great spots some of which are good for night hiking.  At that moment I think night hiking could be fun and it would give me a chance to see a little bit of Arizona before I leave.  So it’s decided that we’re going on Tuesday at 5:30.  We end up chatting on the phone for another 15 min or so because he’s asking me more get to know you type questions.  I don’t mind talking on the phone.  As a matter of fact, if you’re family or a good friend I really enjoy it.  But I’ve only known of this guy’s existence for about 3 hours plus this is all good stuff to talk about when we’re actually together.

A couple of hours later I get a text message from him telling me about some people getting together to play games and hang out that night.  As I’m reading the message guess who calls?  He was just making sure I got the text because he wasn’t sure if I did texting or not.  I tell him I got it but I’m not going because I was packing.  Sure I was packing a little but the reality was that I just didn’t want to go.  We end of talking on the phone for about 10 min.  About 10 min after I hang up he calls again.  Oh for heaven’s sake.  Turns out he can’t go on Tuesday but could we change it to Wednesday?  Fine.  We’re on the phone for about another 20 min as he’s asking me questions about the type of landscapes I like to photograph.  Dude, I’m not professional.  I just like to mess around with it so I could care less what exactly the landscape looks like.  Finally we hang up.

Five minutes later my phone rings again.  JUDAS PRIEST  MAN!!!!!!  WHAT????  What more could you possibly need to say now???  This time he was asking if I had some of my pictures and maybe he could get an idea from my photos as to which spots would be good to shoot.  Again as my inner thoughts are flying through my brain I just keep thinking that it truly doesn’t matter where we go.  I’ve never been anywhere here in the state and the best thing about nature is that the same spot could look totally different from one day to the next.  Before I really knew what happened I had agreed that he could come over and look at my photos.  So 15 min later he was on my couch skimming through the photos on my laptop.  And the real kicker – he stayed for 2 1/2 hours.

Around 4:30 Sunday afternoon I thought some night hiking and the chance to take some landscape photos sounded like fun and was sort of looking forward to it.  Six hours later I’m sick of this guy and don’t want to go anywhere with him.  I’ve been trying to think of an excuse to use to get out of going.  One that actually sounds plausible and totally out of my control.  But I can’t think of anything.  And to be honest I sort of feel like a real jerk trying to get out of it.  More than a jerk, I feel like a complete tool.  He really is a nice guy and based on our brief conversations I get the drift that he has a lot of friends and likes going out and doing different things.  I truly think he’s trying to help make the most of my last week here but it was overkill.

However, it looks like I’ll most likely be going on this little excursion and you never know, it could be a lot of fun.  Or I could fall off a cliff and die.  Either way, the moral I’m taking from this story is to always first say no.  It’s much easier to change your mind from a no to a yes than the other way around.

I Don’t Have a Title for This Post

In my last post I wrote about dancing and how much I love it, even though I probably don’t know what I’m doing.  Well tonight I was on youtube watching 80’s music videos because, well let’s face it, they’re hilarious.  When somehow I linked onto this little gem:

I’ve never watched Kickboxer but now I’m thinking I might want to – hubba hubba.  I’m kidding, I think Van Damme is a creaton.  But this clip did make me laugh and those poor girls that had to dance with him and keep a straight face!  Man, I hope the pay was worth it.  This is one dance that I would have gladly volunteered to sit out.

Obviously I have a lot of time on my hands and while it’s been great for the most part, I’m feeling a little restless.  As I’ve been out and about I haven’t really seen any single people my age anywhere.  Where I lived in Utah there were young, single people EVERYWHERE.  Here, not so much.  I don’t even know where I’m supposed to go to find these people.  ASU is only 10 minutes away and there’s a community college less than a mile from my apartment, so…?  Granted when I “go out” it’s to a grocery or book store but don’t single people my age eat and read anymore?  I suppose they’re all out at bars or clubs but since I don’t drink it comes down to this: me + bars = smarmy drunk idiot that won’t leave me alone and I’m not the slightest bit buzzed so I’m completely aware of how gross he is.  Come on people, go buy a book for crying out loud.

So for fun I typed in ‘singles mesa’ into google to see what would pop up.  Naturally, dating sites were right at my finger tips.  No way was I going to sign up – if you have, then I think that’s great but as for me, well…not today.  But I was able to view  the profiles that were on the front page without having to do anything other than click a button and after perusing the different sites I noticed something that made me pause a little.  First of all, let me say that I know I probably have an abnormal view of “appropriate” dating ages.  I do notice that the older I get the more willing I am to fudge the number older than me while keeping a tight reign on the younger number.  I have no interest in going out with a guy younger than 28  but going in the other direction, I don’t know 35 I guess.  Some of you may think that’s still not much of a range but hey, I just said I probably have an abnormal view.

I’m looking at these profiles and I’m noticing that guys about my age put 12-14+ year range on their profile.  Twelve to fourteen plus years in ONE direction.  So it was common to see a guy age 38 wanting to go out with someone as young as 22 and in a lot of cases 18.  Are you serious? Ok, 1.)  Do you really think an 18 year old wants to go out with you?  When I was 18 any guy over the age of 22 seemed almost ancient.  But 38?  You’re  2 decades older, what could you possibly have in common, other than your own daughter who she probably sits next to in Algebra? and 2.)  What’s wrong with girls your own age?  What is so secondary about wanting to go out with a girl who is, oh I don’t know, 29 as opposed to a 21 year old?

Somewhere I missed the memo because as I said, when I was younger there seemed to be such a division among my age and just a few years older.  We were thought to just be immature kids but now that I’m older, barely legal seems to be the hot ticket item.  Last week I went to a high school play my friend directed and from what I observed, girls that age acted like nothing more than fruit flavored lip gloss and cotton candy fluff.  *shrug shoulders* I just don’t get it.

Well that was a rant I never intended to have.  I’m going to go back up and have another look at Van Damme’s mad dancing skills and maybe I’ll learn a few pointers to take to a club….or maybe not.