Otherwise Known as the “I Don’t Know Parade”

This year my mom and I did something a little different.  We wanted to keep it low key but still go out and do something to celebrate the holiday, so we decided to go to a nearby small town and check out the local scene.  I figured since I live in Arkansas, right in the middle of the I Love America bible belt, there should be something good going on.  I envisioned local shops selling homemade pies and fudge, artwork depicting our American heritage, and who knows, maybe some cool antique collections of American memorabilia on display.  Wishful thinking is what that was.

We saw that a small town about 40 -45 min. away was going to have a parade and though I’m sort of bah humbug when it comes to parades, I sort of thought it might be fun to check out.  We got there about 40 min. before the parade was to start and there were already people lining up on the street (for the record, we were there that early b/c I couldn’t remember how to get there or how long it was going to take).

The parade started at exactly 10:00 and went as follows:

I was there and I still don’t know what the golf cart was for.

As far as I know, Arkansas isn’t known for its pioneer heritage so I’m not sure why those girls in front are dressed like that

I don’t know what those girls and that lady have to do with the fire department or why she’s in a wife beater

I think that first vehicle used to be a part of a tractor.  I don’t know why old men are driving either one of those things.

Random kids riding their bikes.  Yeah, I don’t get why either.

Nascar represented of course

That’s how we do floats up here in these parts

FFA represent!  I thought there would be more kids on this one.

That’s a bulldog mascot in the truck so, maybe something to do with the high school?

Again, not so sure about this pioneer heritage they’ve got going on here

What the hell??

That’s it.  That was the WHOLE parade.  By 10:12 it was over.  There’s only one street that goes through the town and it took three times as long to get out of there than was the actual length of the parade.  I think my favorite part wasn’t the actual parade itself but watching the local people.

I knew I was in for a treat when not even 10 seconds after the road had been blocked, a beat up old car came and swerved around the road block, cut across the parking lot where we were parked.  The lady driving was missing a couple of teeth, wearing a small tank top over her slightly larger frame, her teenage passenger smoking a cigarette, and with her windows rolled down yelled (with her southern accent adding two extra syllables to the last word), “This is g@#damn bullshit!”  Ahh, America.

*Sorry the pics are small and crappy.  Of course, the same can be said about the parade.

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8 thoughts on “Otherwise Known as the “I Don’t Know Parade”

  1. Ummm….huh? I have never seen such a hilarious excuse for a parade!! LOL!

    My thoughts exactly! But everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves so I guess it was a success.

  2. The old lady at the end made me LOL. Are you sure you didn’t come down to SC for this? Sounds like something that would happen down here.

    Maybe next year you should hit up a local small town’s parade and we could compare notes.

  3. the gorilla comment and the hillbilly lady’s comment made me laugh — that parade was worse than ours — much worse! hahahahaha

    I was surprised there weren’t tractors in this thing. Which is what I’m guessing most of yours was made up of.

  4. MTAE is right, every parade needs a gorilla on a horse. I’m now really sad about our 4th of July parade (that I didn’t go to this year) because it’s never had a gorilla on a horse.

    You should petition for a gorilla on a horse for your parade next year!

  5. I wonder how well that parade would go over on Broadway?

    The woman on the firetruck is awesome. What was her thought process that morning? “Ok..I am going to be on top of the coolest fire truck ever, in front of the whole damn town so I better wear my best shirt…something that really shows my tricep fat.”

    haha Well, a lot of the people were in some form of a tank top. I felt over dressed b/c my shirt had short sleeves. At least this lady was throwing candy in the street.

  6. The tiny town where my parents live has always had a 4th of July parade just about that exact size. Fire engines, old tractors, and classic cars are the order of the day.

    Essentially, if you show up early at the assembly point, you’re in the parade. A few friends and I were going to ride dirt bikes in it one year but it was rained out…

    Same thing here, anyone could have been in it if they’d wanted to. I should have dusted off my bicycle and decorated it old school with crepe paper and streamers. Would have shown up those other kids for sure.

  7. That was one classy event to scared up. You’d think small town America = quaint spirited holiday event. I think you just visited white trash central. Makes you proud to be an American, doesn’t it? ‘Cause gorillas and underage drinkers (if the teenager smokes with his mom then he definitely drinks) scream “AMERICA” to me. That and teenage pregnancy and poor dental hygiene. I’m sorry I missed it.

    It was quite the winner. And to think, you had to spend your 4th in DC. Man did you miss out.

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