It’s a Boy…or a Girl

When I was born, my mom set up a Gerber Life Insurance plan in my name.  Every few months or so I get mail updating me on different plans and updates to the company.  A few days ago I got another one and my mom opened it, as she usually does, to double check it’s junk mail before trashing it.  This is what it said:

Dear Natalie,

As a loving parent, you want to do everything you can to give your children a head start in life.  That’s why you gave your child the valuable gift of a Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan.  Your thoughtful decision will help provide your child with a brighter financial future.

If you’ve recently welcomed another child, please accept our congratulations!  Now you have the opportunity to start all your children out right with the special gift of a Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan.

It then goes on to tell me about the different plan options I can chose for my child.  Only one thing though, I don’t have any children.  I have not recently welcomed a child much less ANOTHER one.  I’m not a loving parent and I didn’t give a child the valuable gift of a Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan.  Does Gerber know something I don’t?  Man, I really hope not.  But just in case they do, does this mean I can take a child deduction in my tax return for more money?

7 thoughts on “It’s a Boy…or a Girl

  1. Years ago I started getting coupons for diapers and children’s clothing. I’m only recently pregnant. You totally get the tax deduction though!

    Now that you’re pregnant I hope you start getting those coupons again!

  2. Maybe this is like “Fast Forward.”

    If you haven’t watched the show, you wouldn’t get this…and then I woul dbe sorry for a irrelevant comment.

    I haven’t seen the show but I know enough about it so no need to be sorry for the comment. I’ve though about watching the series online – as though I need another show to watch.

  3. “Now you have the opportunity to start all your children out right with the special gift of a Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan.”

    Dear Gerber,

    Thanks Gerber for letting us know how to start our children out right. I thought love, food, shelter, diapers, formula was the way to go. Now, I know all I needed was the LIfe Grow Up Plan.

    I was wondering do you have a Life Throw Up Plan? Can I call Gerber whenever my child throws up and your company sends over a maid service? That would be fantastic.


    Mother of None.

    If they offered a Life Throw Up Plan I would probably sign up even though I don’t have any kids. You just never know what that service would come in handy.

  4. I once had a roommate that started getting stuff from AARP at the ripe age of 25. I get solicitations all the time for companies wanting to refinance my mortgage. That would be really helpful if I actually had a one.

    You should write Gerber back and ask them if they cover kids that habitually smoke cigarettes and drink and just casually mention that you’re cool with your kid doing that.

    I wonder what kind of a response I would get. DCFS would probably show up at my door. It’s kind of tempting to see…

  5. On the comment above notice OSHEA12566 is in bold, black letters. Then, my next comment, the OSHEA12566 is in lovely green. The lovely green one means the link to my blog is alive and well

    Oh, I see what you mean now. Weird. I don’t know why it does that.

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