My Eyebrow Wax

Last Sunday, at the last minute, I decided to go with my mom and sister on their drive across the country moving my sister from LA to DC.  While I may get into that in another post, this one is all about the eyebrow wax.  We arrived in Virginia yesterday early afternoon and my mom and sister had already planned to get pedicures.  I passed on that but said I would try out an eyebrow wax because I’d never had one and figured why not.

*For the following, anything written like this is my inner dialogue and not what I actually said.  In reality I didn’t say much of anything and layed perfectly still without flinching once.

I went in the back room and the lady had me lay down on the table.  Ooh this is kind of relaxing and  I’m tired from being in the car all week. Then she puts some hot wax on the bottom of my left eyebrow.  Ok, seriously I’m about to fall asleep. Next comes the paper thing she puts on top of the wax and pats it down.  I have SO missed out on getting pampered!  This feels like pure heav…RIP!!!..HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JOSEPHINE!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU LADY??  THAT’S MY EYE!!!

She starts the process again, putting wax on the top of the same eye.  In the meantime I’m desperately trying to slow my heart rate back down to a normal pulse.  I’m almost successful when RIP!!  GAHH!!  IS THERE ANY EYEBROW LEFT??!? This is when my eye starts to water.  Lovely.

The wax is now being put on my right eye and I’m already conditioned like Pavlo’s dog.  I know what’s coming and I’m half tempted to tell her to leave it alone.  I don’t care how funny it’ll look with only one brow done.  She rips it off and starts on the top.  Ok, just one more and you’re through.  One more.  One more.  One more. RIP!  Alright.  You’re done. Good j…what is she doing?  Why is she putting wax in between my eyes?  Oh my gosh, please no.  I promise I’ll pluck.  I’LL PLUCK!! RIP!

She then asks if I want my upper lip done as well.  “No I’m good.  Thanks though.”  Absolutely not!  Are you crazy?  I don’t care if I’m a shoe in to be the bearded lady in the circus.  Step away from the wax and away from my face.  We’re done.  We. Are. Done.

I’m through and she holds up her mirror for me to take a look.  Only I can’t see anything because my eyes are watering and everything is blury.  I start laughing because I can only imagine how funny the whole thing must look.  She started to laugh a little as well but kudos to her for keeping it pulled together for the most part.  There’s no way I could do her job.  I know I would start laughing before I even pulled the first strip.  Just the anticipation of their reaction would totally make my day.  And that would make it worse because if I were laughing I wouldn’t be able to pull as hard and fast as I’d need to which would cause me to laugh even harder.  There really should be some hidden cameras in there.  Like the ones they use for rides at amusement parks so when you leave you can buy your photo at the front.  It makes me smile just thinking of it.

And even though it’s a little red and a few little bumps have shown up, over all it looks pretty good.  Guess I’ll be back in there in a few months.

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11 thoughts on “My Eyebrow Wax

  1. I promise you this… waxing the eyebrows are easier and maybe even considered relaxing when you compare waxing them to your cooch. Talk about OUCH and an invasion of your privacy. I think I laid there breathing deeply for a good 10 minutes after the process was done. Who would want to wax THAT for a living?

    Yeah I’ll stick to my eyebrows.

  2. You passed on a pedicure for an eyebrow wax?! Hmmm. Have you ever had a pedicure? Once you get pas the creepiness of a stranger rubbing your feet, it’s one of the closest things to heaven you’ll get. I got one the day before my wedding, and would give anything to get another one. Someday….

    I have gotten a pedi before and it was alright. Better than I thought and maybe some day I’ll do it again but I really wanted to try the eyebrow thing. Hopefully next time it won’t be so painful.

  3. hahahaha. I’ll just keep plucking away…that, sister, was hillarious.

    I think you should try it just to see what it’s like.

  4. Oh yes it’s painful but TOTALLY worth it. I always dread the eyebrow wax…but once it’s done and your skin stops tingling…you forget all about the pain. Kind of like childbirth I guess…during the event you’re thinking what the crap am I doing?!? But afterwards…that wasn’t so bad…totally worth it. And you end up doing it again. 🙂

    I’ll take your word on the childbirth analogy. And I agree, I’m starting to think it’s totally worth it.

  5. Welcome to my world. I actually get to do this to people at school. The thing is, and I feel bad about this, I get kind of a thrill from waxing people.

    I’m awful, I know. Oh, and guess what Pam? That cooch waxing, could end up being part of my job. Woo hoo me!

    • No way!!! I just read an article in the Washington Post this morning about how you should watch your waxer when she works down there because you could wind up with cellulitis and lose a leg or even die. Apparently the hair is in that region for a purpose. Who knew???

      Oh… and if that is indeed part of your job I am SO SO SO sorry. You’ll get to see some very special things in your line of work. Blogging material, maybe?

  6. wow.
    I don’t let anyone get near my goddamn eyebrows.

    So…
    as some of my friends at X-E say…

    pix or it didn’t happen!

    After I got in there I realized I should have had my sister come back to document the whole thing but I didn’t. Another time maybe.

  7. OmG!!!

    That was hilarious. You have a wonderful knack for telling a story!

    Thank you very much! I love when people think my stuff is funny but I’m never sure what tone people take when reading. Glad you enjoyed it.

  8. DC, eh? Does this mean I’ll actually see you one day? Too bad I was gone when you were in town. You’re probably back at home now, but perahps I’ll get to see you another time when you come to visit.

    Yep, I’m back in AZ now. It was a spur of the moment trip and I was only there for two days but I’m sure I’ll be going out there for visits and I’ll have to let you know.

  9. I loved this post. Hilarious. I’ve always wanted to try eyebrow waxing, but have never had the guts.

    Yeah! I’m glad you liked it. You should try it at least once. After the initial shock of the sting, you feel fine and it looks good.

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