The Bottle of Youth

I overhear the best conversations when I’m out shopping and today was no exceptions (and may be the best to date).  I was at the checkout of a local grocery store standing behind an elderly lady.  She had to have been in her late 70s or possibly even early 80s and was looking pretty good.  I’m not sure what it is about older people and dressing to the nines when out doing mundane errands, but there she was with her hair dyed, full makeup, jewelry and pantsuit.  I on the other hand was sporting a sloppy ponytail with half my hair in my face, Nike sweatpant capris, flip flops, and an old Beatles shirt that I spilt ketchup on.  But I digress.

The cashier gives her the receipt and this is what unfolds:

Cashier: “You saved 80 cents today by using your Fry’s value card.”

Lady (with a joking voice): “Oh, a whole 80 cents.”

Cashier: “Yep, don’t spend it all in once place now.”

Lady (completely serious): “Well I was in here yesterday and bought Vodka.  And orange juice.  So I’m all set on that front.  I won’t be needing to spend any more money anytime soon.”

At that point the cashier, bagger, and myself all exchange a quick glance and tried not to bust up laughing.  Priceless.

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7 thoughts on “The Bottle of Youth

  1. You were rocking a Beatles Tshirt. That is all that matters. 🙂

    That’s really funny. I would have lost it.

    True, ketchup stains or no the Beatles are still the Beatles. The whole thing definitely made my day.

  2. I started chuckling about the spilled ketchup. I’m picking up a pair of pants from the dry cleaner after work. Five bucks says if I wear the pants tomorrow I’ll spill yogurt or something on them within 10 minutes of arriving at work. Are we cool or what?

    I don’t usually spill food on myself but what can I say? At least you took your pants to the dry cleaner. Not only have I not washed the shirt yet and it’s been at least a week, I’m still wearing it.

  3. I can’t wait to be like that lady. (I already walk around with food stuff stains like you). I love it when these little old ladies come in to get their hair done. You can tell that that will be the icing on the cake for their preparation. They come in with full make up and their little suits and completely decked out in jewelery and proceed to tell you that they are going to the grocery store after you finish their hair. When you ask what else they’re doing, they will say “Oh sweetie, that’s it!”

    I can barely even stand the idea of putting on a pair of sweats without holes in them when I want to go to the grocery store!

    I love how old people can get away with things just because their old. Like telling people how it is. I can’t wait to be able to do that! However the whole getting dressed up for the store is something I can pass.

  4. I think this lady is confirming that its ok to have a drink…or two. 🙂 I too love the ketchup stained t-shirt bit….kinda gross you haven’t washed it in a week though….um….yeah, that has me perplexed. I can send you the $10 from the DQ giftcard back if that will help pay for laundry. ha ha ha I couldn’t say that to anyone else but you…and I hope you know I’m totally joking! 🙂 Love ya!

    Oh good I was hoping you would send that back to me! Kidding of course. I know it is gross that I haven’t washed it but…*shoulder shrug*

  5. I dunno-
    I look forward to being a slightly crazy old lady.
    to doll up in a bright red blazer and gold pants and totter off to the grocery store to buy prunes and frozen entrees with a papillion in tow- no one will tell me my dog isn’t allowed inside because I will be old and slightly crazy.

    I will be the talk of the gawtdamm town, I tell you what!

    However, it will be a frightening day when I totter to the store without any pants and can’t figure out how I got there.

    I want to be a sweet-but-crazy old lady, not a dementia-riddled old lady.

    ‘Cause there’s a difference.

    That has to be the best benefit of being old – being able to say and do whatever you want and people leave you alone and chalk it up to the fact that you’re old.

  6. LOL! This was great.

    I’m looking forward to being a slightly racist, argumentative, grumpy old bastard who always speaks his mind and tells people exactly what he thinks of them.

    The day I’m able to tell people what I think of them and get away with it will be a great day indeed.

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