If sending a friend request on facebook to a guy today didn’t already make me feel like I was an insecure girl back in high school, “will he accept it? or will he reject me?” (note that he would be accepting the request but rejecting me, twisted I know) I went out and tried to find a swimsuit. This is one of those things about being a girl that I just hate! Guys you have it so easy in this department, just pick a pair of swim trunks, a.k.a. shorts, that fit and there you go. Done.
I haven’t bought a swimsuit in AT LEAST 11 years which is how long ago I graduated from high school. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t buy one my senior year so…12? 13 years? Somehow I managed to live in Hawaii for two years without a new one but now that I’m in Arizona and in the sunshine it’s probably time. I realize that most everyone that reads this blog is burried in snow and you don’t want to hear about all the sun I’ve been soaking up or comments on how burned I am already, but remember I did my time in the frozen tundra, thank you very much. And can you blame for getting out when I had the chance? Didn’t think so.
Before heading to the store I had already decided I wanted a tankini top and a pair of shorts for the bottom. The shorts are easy, it’s looking for a top that I was dreading. I went into Target (I still love this store…ahem, send me free stuff!) and saw a couple of tops that I thought might work. Or would they? Are they the right color combination that looks good on me? Will they be the right colors when I have a tan? Should I get stripes or some other design? If I go with stripes, which direction do they need to be going to be flattering? What about just solid colors, would they look better? AUGH!! And I wasn’t even in the dressing room yet.
Then there are basically two types of styles of the tankini, at least from what I could tell. There’s the kind that is fitted all the way down and the kind that is a little more loose in the stomach area. At first the fitted suit was sounding like the right choice for me. Fitted meaning the stomach is tucked in nice and secure. But wait a minute, I just remembered I’m not Kate Moss and I like to eat actual food I have to chew, not snort white powder up my nose. So maybe this fitted thing isn’t the way to go. I mean, at some point I’m going to get tired of sucking it in and sitting perfectly upright like I’ve got a pole stuck up my butt. I’m going to relax and everyone is going to discover how I can change “fitted” into “stretchy”.
But then what’s up with this more loose top? Sure I can get away with relaxing my pooch just a little and no one will be none the wiser…if I’m sitting in a chair. But what happens in the water? Does this thing drift up to look like a plastic floatie around my waist? Heaven forbid if I go with a solid black one because then I may as well call myself Ursula and chase everyone around the pool insisting I have to have their voice.
And what about the top half of the top? Definitely wanting to keep the girls inside, no need to pull a Tara Reid, but how tight is too tight? At some point, if you get the straps too tight you can look bigger than you really are. And I don’t mean it in that way so it’s not a good thing. Rather, you shoulders suddenly look like they’ve swollen three sizes and those two little straps are straining with everything they have to maintain control, so they dig themselves into your skin threatening to cut off circulation and leave bruises. And the next thing you know, you look like a linebacker. I stood in front of the mirror for almost 10 minutes wondering if this is how I was supposed to look in a swimming suit. I mean, it has been over a decade so what do I know?
In the end, after three stores, I gave up and left empty handed. But before I went home I decided to go to just one more store. A grocery store. Because at least there I know I’ll like how everything looks.