Swimwear…I don’t know

If sending a friend request on facebook to a guy today didn’t already make me feel like I was an insecure girl back in high school, “will he accept it? or will he reject me?”  (note that he would be accepting the request but rejecting me, twisted I know) I went out and tried to find a swimsuit.  This is one of those things about being a girl that I just hate!  Guys you have it so easy in this department, just pick a pair of swim trunks, a.k.a. shorts, that fit and there you go.  Done.

I haven’t bought a swimsuit in AT LEAST 11 years which is how long ago I graduated from high school.  And I’m pretty sure I didn’t buy one my senior year so…12? 13 years?  Somehow I managed to live in Hawaii for two years without a new one but now that I’m in Arizona and in the sunshine it’s probably time.  I realize that most everyone that reads this blog is burried in snow and you don’t want to hear about all the sun I’ve been soaking up or comments on how burned I am already, but remember I did my time in the frozen tundra, thank you very much.  And can you blame for getting out when I had the chance?  Didn’t think so.

Before heading to the store I had already decided I wanted a tankini top and a pair of shorts for the bottom.  The shorts are easy, it’s looking for a  top that I was dreading.  I went into Target (I still love this store…ahem, send me free stuff!)  and saw a couple of tops that I thought might work.  Or would they?  Are they the right color combination that looks good on me?  Will they be the right colors when I have a tan?  Should I get stripes or some other design?  If I go with stripes, which direction do they need to be going to be flattering?  What about just solid colors, would they look better?  AUGH!!  And I wasn’t even in the dressing room yet.

Then there are basically two types of styles of the tankini, at least from what I could tell.  There’s the kind that is fitted all the way down and the kind that is a little more loose  in the stomach area.  At first the fitted suit was sounding like the right choice for me.  Fitted meaning the stomach is tucked in nice and secure.  But wait a minute, I just remembered I’m not Kate Moss and I like to eat actual food I have to chew, not snort white powder up my nose.  So maybe this fitted thing isn’t the way to go.  I mean, at some point I’m going to get tired of sucking it in and sitting perfectly upright like I’ve got a pole stuck up my butt.  I’m going to relax and everyone is going to discover how I can change “fitted” into “stretchy”.

But then what’s up with this more loose top?  Sure I can get away with relaxing my pooch just a little and no one will be none the wiser…if I’m sitting in a chair.  But what happens in the water?  Does this thing drift up to look like a plastic floatie around my waist?  Heaven forbid if I go with a solid black one because then I may as well call myself Ursula and chase everyone around the pool insisting I have to have their voice.

And what about the top half of the top?  Definitely wanting to keep the girls inside, no need to pull a Tara Reid, but how tight is too tight?  At some point, if you get the straps too tight you can look bigger than you really are.  And I don’t mean it in that way so it’s not a good thing.  Rather, you shoulders suddenly look like they’ve swollen three sizes and those two little straps are straining with everything they have to maintain control, so they dig themselves into your skin threatening to cut off circulation and leave bruises.  And the next thing you know, you look like a linebacker.  I stood in front of the mirror for almost 10 minutes wondering if this is how I was supposed to look in a swimming suit.  I mean, it has been over a decade so what do I know?

In the end, after three stores, I gave up and left empty handed.  But before I went home I decided to go to just one more store.  A grocery store.  Because at least there I know I’ll like how everything looks.

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13 thoughts on “Swimwear…I don’t know

  1. I guess you could always do the thing I have seen some women do where you wear a giant T-Shirt over your swimsuit, but I guess that’s not too stylish. Nevermind.

    Well it would be an easy solution but it would look like I’m wearing a giant tent. Although….

  2. hahahaha i especially love the ursula comment – that was hillarious and oh guess what? the suit I’m bringing is black. lol

    Does it have a little skirt thing b/c if so, I’m totally going to call you Ursala while you’re here! hahaha

  3. I shall tell you Where to go. Kohls. that place has great suits. http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/swim/womens/brands/nike/PRD~430047/Nike+Colorblock+Remix+Tankini+Top.jsp that one in particular is just right between the to tight and to loose Idea AND you would be hardpressed to pull a tara reid. My mom has it not to say its an old lady swim suit becuase I have worn it. but really Kohls has the best suits. and you can usually get free shipping if you spend enough so if you buy like 4 to try on and have them shipped to you you can try them on in the privacy of your own home and then return it at the store. and also this comment is way longer then I planned. sorry.

    Good idea, I didn’t even think of Kohls. I’m going to have to google and see where it is here in Mesa and go check it out. I like long comments so no worries.

  4. You are incredible — (y) gorgeous — and way too hard on yourself.

    Thanks so much that was a really nice thing to hear! Now I understand a little more why women shop in pairs or groups rather than alone.

  5. You could always wear Spanx under your tight suit. For some reason I find that idea ridiculously funny!

    I laughed out loud when I read that but then I got to thinking…maybe I should try it out. haha

  6. I’m glad I’m not the only one who agonizes over this process. I suspect it’s a universal girl thing.

    It probably is. And for those select few for whom it’s not, I say GRRR!

  7. Wow, my first visit to your blog and this is the post I stumble upon. Well, I wish I could give you some helpful advice, but I’m a little estrongenically challenged over here. Black is always good–but then again, that’s coming from someone who wears some form of black t-shirt just about every day, so you can take it or leave it, I guess. You can also put me in the category of people who have no idea what a tankini is.

    I’m digging the site so far though. And speaking from the “straight male, potentially sexist, but totally meaning well” point of view, judging from the few pictures I’ve seen, I’m sure you’ll look fine in no matter what you go with. You’re not exactly hard on the eyes. So, there’s that.

    I still say when in doubt, go with the black.

    Hey, thanks for stopping by, though swimsuits might not be the best first post for a guy to read haha! I wear a lot of black and normally I would say when in doubt always just take the black but I’m trying to have a little more color in my day to day. “…potentially sexist, but totally meaning well” isn’t that an oxymoron…but it works – thanks.

  8. I never realized that choosing a swimsuit really has a lot of factors for consideration… When I bought my swimming trunks, I just had two criteria: black and it fits.

    Well, I guess you girls have the best say on this, so good luck… 🙂

    This is really the same criteria I should be using – it would make it so much easier.

  9. I was raised on swimming since I was five but like you, I haven’t bought a suit in…well, uhm…Lets just say it’s been awhile.
    Blue, at least you don’t have legs that have turned into a giant road atlas (Kids will do that to ya, you know). I swear I have route 66 running down my right leg.
    I’m sure that anything you pick out, Blue, will be fine.

    For me, I think that I will go with the giant tent, I mean shirt, that Adam mentioned the next time I sport a suit—for sun protection that is……. 🙂

    The tent shirt is sounding pretty good right now!

  10. I love this post. So funny. I spent an astronomical, for me anyways, $90 on my last suit. However, I love it, so I suppose it’s worth it. Lands end baby!

    Love the Ursula comment!

    $90?!? Yikes! But I guess if you love and can get a lot of use out of it then it’s worth it. I finally bought a top yesterday for about $20 which I think is crazy for only half a suit. Oh well, I don’t love it but I was getting sick of looking.

  11. I hate buying swim suits. In fact, I hate wearing swim suits. Swim suits, pools and beaches are all on my poo-poo list. (I get sunburned so easily…) That’s probably why I never buy them.

    Although, I did buy a new swim suit for a trip to Puerto Rico about 4 years ago. Finding a teeny piece of clothing that fits right and covers everything but still manages to look sexy is a royal pain in the butt.

    First of all, thanks for dropping by. Second of all AMEN! I really like beaches though, I just don’t like the swimsuits you have to wear to them. Hope you come back soon.

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