The Great Jean Debacle

Flashback 4 1/2 years ago.  I was just getting home from a year and a half living in Guatemala, re-entering my American life, and re-connecting with American culture.  Not that Guatemala bars all American stuff but my reasoning for being there had me purposely distanced.  Not long after I got home I flew out to DC to visit Pammy Girl who was living there at the time.  We made a little jaunt up to New York City to relax and hang out with a former friend of hers.  This particular girl had endless access to daddy’s money and LOVED to shop.  But not just any kind of shopping, the girl had a taste for the finer things in life.  Now me personally, if I had an endless supply of money I would probably go hog wild in Target and clean them out.  But again, that’s just me.

While we were there, this girl decided to clean out her closet to make room for all of Manhattan she had just bought that afternoon.  Her apartment was really tiny but the clothes kept flying out of the closet.  It was apparent this was a magic closet very much like the one in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe only instead of finding Narnia, you entered the magical land of Saks Fifth Avenue.  What it came down to was that the clothes she was throwing out were free game.  Not only were they nice, but most of them had never been worn and still had the tags attached.  I poked and prodded, took things here and there mostly at the insistence of Pammy Girl because I was completely clueless to the names and labels attached to these clothes.

I came away with some really nice stuff that included two pairs of jeans.  Jeans are the hardest and worst thing for me to shop for because I’m incredibly picky on the fit.  But these two fit and looked good and according to Pammy Girl, were higher end because they were Diesel.  Until that day I had never heard of Diesel jeans and as far as I knew diesel was reference to a large truck so one (me) would assume Diesel jeans referred to jeans truckers wore.  Kind of like trucker hats.  Regardless I took them.

I wore them the following months and into winter but by the next spring they went to the closet with the other cold item clothing and were forgotten until winter.  Something mysterious had happened to me that summer (weight gain) and they no longer fit.  Try as I might they were tight and uncomfortable.  So back in the closet they went as I told myself that I would lose the weight and fit back into them someday.

Fast forward to this summer when I decided I wanted that awesome camera and needed the extra cash.  I put together a pile of these fancy shmancy clothes I had been given all those years ago in New York and decided to sell them.  I pulled out the jeans and tried one more time to see if they would fit.  If they made a modern play of Cinderella and instead of trying on a glass slipper, one had to fit into these Diesel jeans, I would be a perfect cast for the part of the stepsister Anastasia.  I tried everything to get into these pants.  I jumped up and down, laid on the bed, kicked, sucked in, and squatted to see if they would stretch.  No luck.  I barely was able to get them on at all, was only able to zip them up half way, and forget about buttoning them.  So into the for sale pile they went.  Only no one wanted them so I brought them home and put them back up in my closet.

I’ve lost a little weight so curiosity got the best of me and last week I pulled them down.  TA DA!!!  It was a Halloween miracle!  I got them on, zipped, and buttoned.  Sure they were a little a tight still and slightly uncomfortable but holy hannah, good crap, they were on!  My excitement lasted a few minutes and once I got control of myself, I took a serious look in the full length mirror to do the obligatory scrutinizing of the jeans.  After all these years and the many debates of “should they go or stay? Go or stay??….” I came to the decision that I no longer liked them.  They fit weird in the back.  They weren’t as long as I thought they were.  And the cut was tighter in the leg than I had remembered.  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???  Seriously jeans??  That’s just rude!  Disgusted, I peeled them off and threw them back in my closet where they’ll probably sit for another four years.  I mean, after all… they’re Diesel.

8 thoughts on “The Great Jean Debacle

  1. I had one of those “mysterious occurrences” once in my early twenties. I never got over it LOL.

    I hadn’t heard of Diesel jeans until, well, just now…I’m glad your feet are back on the ground!

    Mysterious is right! Actually I just don’t understand why food that tastes so yummy has to be so bad for you and do such horrible things to your body. It’s just not fair.

  2. I have a whole closet full of “those” clothes! Not designer ones, but ones that don’t fit. There’s always the hope that they MIGHT fit someday, but really….I should just get rid of them.

    Yeah I have a lot of non-fitting clothes in my closet as well. I did get rid of 2 bags full but I really need to go through them again and get rid of a couple more bags.

  3. Good post – most everyone can probably relate on some level. With the way you’re pounding the miles on that treadmill they’ll probably be too big for you by Thanksgiving!

    *sigh* One can only hope…

  4. Magical Land of Saks 5th Avenue? Actually, I think she believed Saks was a little too pedestrian for her tastes (she was appalled I shopped at Macy’s… she equated it to Wal-Mart). Try Bergdorf’s. The Magical Land of Things I Can’t Afford Even in My Dreams. She was a mess but you got some nice stuff, right?

    And I do the exact same thing with jeans. I’ve got a pair of Lucky Jeans (from you, from her). I lost weight earlier this year and viola! They fit. Then I gain weight and they were pushed to the back of the closet. I pulled them out again last week to put in the FOR SALE pile but now I’m curious to see if they’ll fit.

    P.S. You are freakin’ hilarious!

    I did get some nice things. If the jeans fit would you still keep them or would you discover you no longer like them? That’s the question.

  5. Actually, I still like them. Well, the legs are a little tight (kind of reminds me of the 80s). So I don’t know. I’d be willing to part with them and not suffer from any regret.

  6. Isn’t all denim the same?

    I donated all my clothes (not sure where they came from) and then immediately lost 15-20 lbs.

    One would assume but I guess not. I have no clue. Figures that’s what would happen. I can see myself donating clothes I still have from high school and the next day needing that exact shirt or whatever for something.

  7. I had a similar experience recently….not the cool expensive hand-me-downs from NYC part….the part where jeans fit again (for the first time since the imp was born). I was so happy to see them fit again, but they are hopelessly out of style. It was weird…the front appeared to be low-rise, but the back appeared to rival mom jeans in high-risedness. Very disconcerting.

    That’s exactly how these jeans were – lower in the front, higher in the back. Very odd.

  8. MTAE, have you seen my mom jeans posts?? Not all denim is the same.

    HAHA! Actually when I put them on and turned to look in the back my mind went right to your mom jean post b/c that’s what they reminded me of.

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