This is a work out facility…right?

That’s what I think every time I go into the gym at my complex and see guys in there.  The gym is very small (think hotel workout area) and almost always I’m in there by myself.  This of course is ideal but every so often there will be another female working out but even more rare, is to see a guy on the machines.  I really don’t mind there being others around while I’m working out but the guys sort of baffle me with their routines and the bafflement is turning into annoyance.

Take Guy A.  He was in the gym yesterday when I walked in.  I’m not sure how long he had been there before I arrived but we worked out together for a half hour before he left.  For me, this half hour consisted of running/walking on the treadmill.  For Guy A, only 5 minutes consisted of actually working out.  He had brought in his personal mini DVD player and had some Ben Stiller movie going when I got there.  Ya, ok whatever.  This is why I always take my Ipod with me in case there’s something on I don’t want to watch, like ESPN or Nascar which seems to be the channel of choice for most guys.  For about 20 min of his “workout” he watched this movie.  Sometimes he just sat on the benches of the weight machine and sometimes he stood there staring up at the screen.  Um, excuse me but if you wanted to watch TV then stay home and let the rest of us watch what we want since we’re the ones actually using the facility.  The other 5 min consisted of walking in and out to the water fountain and gawking and the two girls laying by the pool in their bikinis.  I don’t know why he needed so much water because he never broke a sweat and as for the girls, well that was just pitiful.  The wall in front of the machines is all windows.  Had the girls been laying out on chairs in front of the windows then by all means Guy A, stare until your heart’s content.  But they weren’t.  The only way to see them was to crane your neck and practically smash your face against the glass.  And I don’t know if it was more sad or funny that he was trying to be discrete and subtle about it but he struck out on both counts.  As part of his 5 minute workout, he chose a machine directly in front of the treadmill I was on making for an awkward 30 seconds as I didn’t know where I was supposed to look. For the rest of his 4 min 30 second workout, he lifted weights.  Every time he brought the weights back down there was this loud CLANK! as all the weights hit each other.  Here’s a hint, if you can’t control the weights enough to bring them down gently without them touching each other each time, then they’re too heavy for you little man!  Lighten the load already.

As annoying as Guy A is, I hate Guy B.  He works out in jeans and soccer shoes and already I find him suspicious and odd.  He turns on the radio full blast to Crap 101.9FM and in turn I put the volume up on my Ipod full blast so that by the time I leave the gym I’m deaf and will be for the next couple of hours.  I have a pretty eclectic taste in music but honestly this is where I draw the line.  I don’t know how to describe the sound of the music exactly but I imagine someone playing a flute while little people run around in an open field wearing old English peasant clothing.  It’s terrible.  And at full volume.  He also walks out a million times for water even though like Guy A, he hasn’t broken a sweat.  Do guys need that much more water than girls?  I don’t understand.  A slight difference is that he will stay out and walk in the hallway.  Just when I’m about to pause the treadmill and turn off his “music” because I think he’s gone, he walks back in only to walk around the machines.  Then he’ll sit down and start lifting weights and before you know it, CLANK! CLANK!  Seriously?  Is there some male gene that forces them to lift weight beyond their capacity?  I’d like to know.  And as with Guy A, Guy B will only do one set of 3 and stop for a water break before doing another set or before he begins his circle around the machines again.

Every girl that I’ve ever seen work out in there (myself included) do a full, sweaty workout.  We never listen to Crap 101.9, we never walk around the machines without using them, we continue working out the whole time even while we have the TV on, and we get water on our way out the door when we’re done with the workout.  Maybe it’s just the guys in my complex who use this facility that are odd.  It’s been a long time since I went to a real gym though I do seem to remember always seeing groups of guys hanging out around the different weight machines talking.  So maybe that’s how all guys work out.  Or at least how they work out in public.  There are some guys who are pretty ripped and I know they didn’t get that way from a 5 minute work out.  Maybe they have a full gym in the privacy of their home and go to a public gym to talk to their buddies and look at all the girls.  I have no idea.  I think this may be another one of those mysteries about guys I’ll never figure out or understand.

*I was going to take a pic of where I work out but naturally when I went back there were people in there.  Maybe I’ll try again this afternoon.

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13 thoughts on “This is a work out facility…right?

  1. Too funny. The gym I go to, Planet Fitness, is open 24 hours a day…ya know, in case you wake up at 3am and just have to go lift some weights… 🙂 I have been in there at all hours and there are some damn creepy individuals…I keep meaning to blog about this to document my impressions of these people…but one of the strangest is “Marathon Biker Guy”: He’s always there! I don’t know if he ever goes home or if he and I somehow have the exact same schedule but he’s always there. Morning at 6am: he’s already sweating up a storm on the bike. Evening around 9: he’s still there!!!
    He looks like Lance Armstrong after a methamphetamine weekend bender!

    I went to the gym once at one in the morning and I couldn’t believe how many people were there. Ridiculous. That guy must have been in really good shape if he was there all the time. Probably no social life but really great shape.

  2. I laughed out loud on this one. This is SO how Ron works out!! LOL! I swear he talks more than me (and that’s quite a feat!). He and his man-friends are always chatting it up at the gym. Although their “workout” consists mainly of sitting in the hot tub (a.k.a. “man stew”). I guess there could be worse things…

    Man stew? That’s gross yet fitting. You know they say women talk and gossip a lot but I think men are a lot worse.

  3. woah. work out in jeans? That’s WRONG!

    I don’t know how he’s able to move. I would think denim would stick to you once you got sweaty and would restrict further movement. Of course, he didn’t get all that sweaty so maybe it was working for him.

  4. This is quite funny and a little creepy. It sounds like he’s stalking stationary objects. Who stalks machines? Creepy, indeed.
    As for jean boy, turn the music down every time he leaves. “Oh sorry. Thought you left.” Mwahahahaha

    And if you really really want to know:
    My Hubby and his bff (yeah, I really did just used “bff”) have talked about weight lifting in the past around me. If I remember correctly, you lift way beyond your range for about 3 lifts and then take an exhausted break. Although they did not say how long the break is, I don’t think it’s suppose to be a 15 minute break between sets… and I think they used “free weights” and “spotters”.
    The purpose of lifting more than you can handle? “To bulk up like Arnie back in the day. See how good he still looks at his age?” (What is it with men and Arnie?)

    I should try turning down the music and see what happens. Though once I get going on the treadmill I prefer not to stop until I’m done. That actually gives some insight as to why guys feel like they need to lift so much. I’m not understanding the fascination with Arnold however. I think he’s too big.

  5. My personal favorite: the screamers. You know the ones. .. they practically have an orgasm when lifting and it’s downright disturbing. Don’t forget about the guy who gave HIMSELF a high-five in the MIRROR! I remember a guy like the one GlassOWater described. Freak boy was addicted to the bike and always on it — no matter what the hour of the day. AND he grunted, sang, talked to himself, and slapped the handlebars while riding. He always exercised with his eyes closed and got sweat on bikes 2 stations over. He was one disturbing guy.

    Luckily none of these guys are screamers. That would get on my nerves. Gym people are definitely interesting to observe that’s for sure. As long as no one is observing me that is.

  6. It doesn’t seem like either of these two guys are there to do anything other that looking for chicks. The jeans wouldn’t bother anyone who isn’t actually getting sweaty.

    Guy A gets a free pass for kissing the glass because bikinis are really eye magnets. He can’t help it…not his fault…genetics.

    This is probably true. They probably are there for girls but there aren’t a lot of girls that work out there so maybe they should hit up a real gym. I don’t really fault the guy for looking I guess. There was a guy laying by the pool the other day that had my full attention. The difference was that he was laying directly in front of the window in front of the treadmill.

  7. That’s why I quit going to the nice spiffy gym here at the university and went to the university’s little rathole gym that gets all the cast-off equipment. Yeah, the equipment is worn and it’s a little smelly all the way around, but the people that are there are there to work out and go the hell home. My kinda folks.

    The last straw at my old gym were a couple of guys who strutted in and took up station at the preacher-curl bench right in front of the ponytailed girls on the treadmills. They piled an obscene amount of weight on the curl bar and proceeded to do curls, screaming and grunting and moaning while the “spotter” would slap their arms, screaming encouragement and so forth. They did this for half an hour and left.

    This is the kicker… their range of motion on the curls could NOT have been more than eight inches from the shoulder. Probably more like six.

    I think the screamers would keep me from going back to the gym. Or at least keep me from going when they were there. I don’t understand why people can’t work out normally which would include doing it silently.

  8. I know what you mean about Creepy Guy In Jeans. What in the world. Can you say pervert? At my work gym in DC years ago, there was a Creepy Guy In Jeans. He pretended to be working hard on the treadmill at 1.5 mph, but really you could see him taking peeks at everyone else. It was so yucky.

    Man, you would think someone would be smarter than that if they were really only coming to watch everyone else. At least look the part of an actual gym goer! Jeans are a dead give away.

  9. Guys like this are also why I quit going to our little community gym. I would go everday after work, I started to notice after going for about a month that there was always this same group of guys there when I was there. One of the guys was never shy about letting me know that he was watching me, or at least watching parts of me.

    Yeah, I stopped going to that gym.

    That would keep me from going as well. I realize guys have this reaction to stare at girls all the time but for crying out loud, can’t they be a little more discrete and not so creepy or perverted about it?

  10. The strangest thing I see the guys at my gym do is to stare at the booby twins (2 very attractive women with fake breasts) while they’re running on the elevated track. I can’t blame them for that, because I do it too (have to see if fake ones jiggle). They also stare at the TV a lot when ESPN is doing highlights, but that seems normal. No strange water trough behavior. I gotta say that I think your Guys A & B are statistical outliers (sp?), and I wouldn’t like them either.

    When I go to the gym and see them there I internally roll my eyes and let out a sigh of disgust. Thankfully they aren’t there often.

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