Ditched for a Dude

In Jr. High and High School I remember hanging out with friends on the weekends at parties or other activities and when a guy walked over that my friend was into, as the odd man out and my duty as the third person, I was to make myself scarce.  Or at least be prepared to be ignored for the time he is there.  I’ve even made plans with friends only to have them canceled because an opportunity to go out with the guy they are into has come up.  While I don’t like plans being canceled, this is semi-acceptable.  Hell, I’ve even been completely and totally stood up by a guy before.  No call.  No message.  Just me waiting and waiting with no idea where he is or what’s going on (this was before cell phones and he wasn’t answering his landline).  In the single’s world this is what happens.  But when push comes to shove, with the exception of engagement/marriage, I think friends should come first before the “significant other”.  But a new sort of ditched happened to me this weekend.

Saturday afternoon I’m sitting on my couch watching a little TV trying to muster up the energy to take a shower because I had just finished working out.  While I’m sitting there, my phone rings.  On the other end is a girl I’ve been friends with for 7 or 8 years.  I answer and ask her what’s up and she asks me if I want to go see Batman.  As a side note, the two of us had just seen Batman the previous Monday.  I’m a little baffled and tell her sure I guess so, but sensing something else is happening I ask her what’s going on.  She proceeds to tell me this story, in tears no less, about the guy she is dating.  In all of these years of being friends, I think I have seen/heard her cry only once.  Maybe twice.  So I knew she was incredibly upset.

Apparently, they were supposed to go see Batman together on Saturday.  She was going for him because she had already seen the movie and he had not.  So he picked the day and the time and she had bought the tickets earlier and was to pick him up as soon as she got off work.  She went by his house to get him only to find out that he had gone canoeing with his friend and hadn’t bothered to call and tell her.  Now I don’t know if he thought he would be back in time and that’s why he didn’t say anything to her or if he forgot about the movie completely.

Batman was a good movie.  And I would see it again.  However, we had just seen it and I wasn’t overly anxious to see it again but of course told her I was on my way to meet her at the theater.  After all, that’s what friends do when one of them is upset right?  I jump up to get my keys and realize I’m still in my gym clothes.  And I stink.  Very badly.  I don’t have time for a shower so I quickly put on another gym shirt that turned out to be 3 sizes too big and sprayed on some perfume.  Because we all love when someone tries to cover up body odor with perfume/cologne.

On the way over to the theater she calls me back and says that she’s going to see if she can exchange the tickets for another movie since both of us have already seen Batman.  Works for me.  I show up a few minutes later and she has tickets to see Hancock but we have an hour to kill.  She gets something to eat and we walk over to the bookstore to look around to kill some time.  While in the bookstore, her phone rings and it’s the guy but she’s so ticked she doesn’t bother to answer it.  Good for her.  The Batman movie is supposed to start in about 10 minutes and now he’s calling her back?

We leave the bookstore and head into a shoe store and then decide to go ahead and go to the theater even though we still have a half hour before it starts.  We get seated and she pulls out her phone and says,”I know I shouldn’t listen to this but I’m curious.”  I say, “Nope you sure shouldn’t.  But whatever your phone.”  She listens to the message and tells me that he is here at the theater.  What?  So she leaves to go call/find him.  Since she never answered when he called he had started to walk home.  She was gone for about 15 minutes and when she came back in, guess who was with her?  Hello, talk about awkward.  This was the conversation I heard them have:

Her –  “Well at least we picked Hancock and not Mama Mia like I really wanted.  Mama Mia started too late.  Or you would have to sit through that.”

Him – “I’ve already seen Mama Mia.”

Her – “You’ve already seen Mama Mia?  When did you do that?”

Him – “I got tickets to the pre-screening and saw it before the movie was released.”

Her – “Oh.  Well, thanks for asking me if I wanted to go.  I really appreciate that.  That was thoughtful of you.”

Me – (thinking)  Holy Hell!  Awkward! AWKWARD!!  At this point I tuned them out because a commercial for the new season of Heroes came on.

The movie ends and in my mind I’m thinking that she will drop him off at home, I’ll follow and we (she and I) will go back to her place and hang out for the night.  The credits are rolling and it’s still a little tense so I wait for her to be the first one to say something.  She looks at me and says, “Well, thanks for coming….sorry.”  What?  WHAT???  Seriously?  I’m momentarily stupified as I mull over what I’m hearing.  And what I’m hearing is this:  You’re dismissing me?  After you called me in tears, angry and frustrated with this guy because he ditched you.  Ditched you!  Probably only showed up because of the angry voice mail you left on his phone before you called me and realized how pissed you were and that he was in trouble.  I jumped up and came immediately, in smelly gross gym clothes, because that’s what friends do.  I even said the obigatory girl things like, “I’m so sorry!!…”  “You have every reason to be upset…” “Don’t apologize, you have nothing to be sorry about…”  And now, with the snap of a finger, my role is done.  I’m no longer needed.  Well, how do you like them apples?  I just looked at her and said the first thing that came to mind which was “you do realize this is all going in my blog right?” – as though that’s any kind of threat HA!

So there you have it.  I was introduced to a new way of being ditched.  And I have to say, I’m not a fan.

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20 thoughts on “Ditched for a Dude

  1. I am sitting here trying to figure out a name for this because in my lifetime of being ditched…I don’t think I have ever come across one like this. Is it something we should call a “reverse double ditch”?

    In any case, you should remember that friendship is not what we say but rather what we do. This person used you as a soft place to land and then discarded you. Not a nice way to treat the person who is/was there for you.

    While the perfume may not have masked the odor, that odor may not have been coming from you.

    Just a thought.

  2. Oooh… I’d be ticked. How old is this chick — 12? I know you’re an incredibly loyal person, loyal to a fault. You’d do anything for a friend (show up stinky and not looking pretty) to ensure that they were taken care of. It’s a great quality of your’s that I admire. But (and you knew that was coming) being backstabbed is highly offensive. I’d think twice before running to the aid of this person (do I know her?) simply to avoid situations like this.

    You know I’d never ditch you… I think you should move out here and then we can be sisters and compadres.

  3. I hope you don’t mind me commenting- I found your blog through Morethananelectician.

    I think that’s desparately unfair of her. I would have been absolutely furious. Did she seem to realise why what she was doing might have annoyed you? If not, she must be about the bluntest tool in the kit…you’ve been a very good friend. It’s a shame that she can’t match that. Personally I think I would be evaluating whether or not the friendship was worth pursuing. I hope she will try to make it up to you.

  4. I like that… the ol’ RDD. Sorry it happened, but hey, you were there for your friend as a “safety net” during the movie, so maybe you gave her the courage to see him. It’s one of those small, but significant things!

    And, you still got to see the movie!

  5. The Last Spartan: Reverse double ditch? I like it! And I’m pretty sure it was me that smelled. I’m positive.

    Pammy Girl: Ironically this person is almost always loyal to a fault as well. So I was actually a little surprised this happened. And for the bo-billionth time – I can’t afford to live in CA. As much as I would like to, I just simply can’t.

    suzy2110: Welcome! I’ve seen you on his site quite a bit as well and am glad you made your way over. I don’t think I was furious with her but definitely annoyed. As I mentioned to Pammy Girl, this person really is a loyal friend and I was surprised this happened at all.

    adam: It’s true. I did get to see the movie. I didn’t like it all that much but a movie is a movie I guess. And you’re right, it’s just one of those things that happen.

  6. Don’t fault me for hoping! You decide what’s best for you with regards to the living situation. P.S. I can’t afford to live here, either.

    When similar situations have happened to me (RDD has occurred several times throughout my existence) I’ve relied on some tried and true friends to get me through the day: Ben & Jerry. Of course they’re also the reason I need to be improving my relationship with other friends: treadmill & weight rack.

  7. Pammy Girl: Funny because after the movie I went home and since I had nothing else to do I went back to the gym for another work out. Then I made more cookies yesterday.

  8. Oh. My. God. I would be so ticked off. I guess I’m like you and loyal to my friends to a fault. I have made plans with my girlfriend and continued to keep those plans even after discovering that my very hard working husband suddenly got the day off.

    I’m pretty good, I don’t ditch and I when I get ditched I make the person who ditched me suffer so badly that they never do it again. I have managed to hold onto this power since I was in the 8th grade.

  9. I like what The Last Spartan had to say “Friendship is not what we say, but rather what we do”. Nice & true. Actions really do speak louder than words…I notice this with people I consider to be friends. Some are better than others…

  10. I hope you gave her a hug. A really big, long, sweaty, perfume-drenched hug. Uncomfortably long. The kind where the other person starts to wonder if there’s just a hint of malice to the whole affair.

  11. First Response: Oooooh, that’s COLD!

    Second Response: Man, has that girl (your friend) got her priorities mixed up. Is this man her god and the center of her life or am I just old and jaded? (you don’t have answer the second part of that question) What about “Yeah, nice of you call me. Hope you enjoyed the walk home because I have already made OTHER PLANS.”
    I know, I know… forgive the guy, daaang.

    Seriously that girl is in relationship trouble (unless this is a one time thing). She’s is setting up a pattern for her and him… and her and a friend. This time the friend was you. The real key will be what you do next time she calls you to be the replacement….

    Unless of course it really was just the b.o……..
    😉

  12. That SUCKS. Girls sometimes do really dumb things for guys. I think that the guy should have been ignored and they could try again next week. I mean, now she’s the chick who jumps when he asks her to. Not very attractive after a couple of dates.

  13. morethananelectrician: Yep I would say you’re the voice of reason!

    Sarah: I’m with you on making the ditcher suffer. Though in this case I don’t think I’m going to. For all I know she really layed into him after I left and didn’t want to do it in front of me.

    lynnard: True. Very true.

    Dead Charming: Loved your comment! I laughed pretty hard and then was ticked at myself for not having done that. Next time…

    L: I don’t know how often this happens to her with him. This was the first time I had witnessed it. The thing is, she’s really nice and loyal to a fault. I’ve seen her get burned time and time again because of this. It just so happened that this time I was the recipient of the discard.

    maleesha: I agree. Girls do the dumbest things for guys. I know I’ve done some dumb things and hope no one received the bad end of it.

  14. That sucks! Really?
    I have a friend like that. I can’t tell you how many times we have been out at a bar and he leans over and says,”hey man, if I hook up with this chick can you find a way home?”
    Sure man, I’ll hitch hike from the inner city just so you can cheat on your girlfriend and then i’ll be your alibi. That gets old real quick.

  15. Billy: Now THAT would suck. To be stuck somewhere without a ride. At least I had my own car. I think I would be the driver every I went out with your friend so no matter what happens, you always have a way home. And I’d stop covering for him if his girlfriend were to ask…”well we went together but sometime around 2 was the last I saw of him…”

  16. Billy, that happened to me once…I was with a group of guys and didn’t realize they’d taken me to a strip club til we got there. I wasn’t driving so I didn’t have much choice. The driver decided he was going home with one of the employees…leaving me to my devices. Let’s just say that he may still be looking for his car keys.

    I got ditched badly two years ago. A friend from Canada was driving down (6 or 7 hours) to go with me and my best friend to a weekend at an air show that we’d been planning for months. The night before…best friend bails on us because his wife had invited the chief faculty from his work over for Sunday dinner. His wife used to do this to me all the time. That was the final straw. I have probably never felt more hurt.

  17. I think I’d have said “Oh, no problem. Hey, want to come back to my place and hang out? I think you left your ovaries there anyway.”

    That said, I think DC has the best solution. Awesome!

    Great comeback but I think you’re right – DC had the best solution. I’m not much of a physical contact person but I would have had to make an exception had I thought of it. Oh gross, I can only imagine.

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