For those of you not familiar with the term a single’s ward, it breaks down to a church for single people ages 18-30 respectively. I attend one of these and have since I was 18 more or less. It’s aim is to be a place where you can meet and hang out with people your own age with similar interests and despite what those in charge say, it’s main objective is to marry you off. There are all sorts of inside jokes and cliches attached to the single’s ward. One of these is the ward menu, aka the church directory.
Like any church directory, it’s primary function is supposed to provide information that will help others get to know you (name, phone number, email, and picture). But in the single’s ward, other than being a great stalking tool, it has become a way for everyone to check everyone else out in the comfort of their own home. One is able to scroll through the pages and determine who they like and with whom they would like to meet and try out (go out with)- hence the idea of a menu.
For years I’ve managed to not have my picture as part of the menu. Sometimes I move in after it’s been put together and printed out, sometimes I move out before it’s put together, and sometimes I make it a point to avoid the camera. When I moved and started this new ward I’m in, they already had one so once again I managed to fall through the cracks so to speak. A few months later, they decided to put together a new one. Try as I might, I was unsuccessful in avoiding the camera. After the picture was taken, the girl asked if I wanted to see it. I said no because I knew no matter what it looked like I would hate it, so better not to look.
This was back in January. Fast forward to yesterday. I had completely forgotten about the directory. Then yesterday they announced that it was finally put together and please take a copy after the meeting. I took one and actually forgot to look at it until last night. For working on it all this time, it was lacking. There were only pictures with names and no other information. And all the pictures were black and white and tiny. Noticing that, I actually felt a little relieved. Then I opened to my picture. Like the others, it was small, black and white. And it was also grainy. But for some reason it was also taken a little closer up than most of the others. Not to mention the day the picture was taken, I was wearing a cream turtle neck and had to stand in front of a white wall. So the end result is… a large floating head! Lovely. I guess I’m to blame since it’s my big head and I didn’t look at the picture afterwards. But really people? You didn’t notice that?
Without skipping a beat, I did exactly what I hate the most about the directory and flipped to find who I will refer to as GP (genetically perfect), only to discover that GP somehow managed to have a perfect picture. In added mockery the directory gods said, “Not only will we give you an over inflated, floating head for a picture, we will give GP a GQ snapshot and you will have as a reminder that the directory is as close as the two of you will ever get. BWAHAHAHA!!” Thank you directory gods. *sigh* Thanks a lot.