Green is Definitely Her Color

I got the lamest email I’ve ever received today. It came from a girl that I only met once, who is the girlfriend of a former co-worker whom I’ve been friends with for almost 6 or 7 years. Let me set up the back story. I used to work at a university a few years back doing landscape. After my first summer there, a new guy was hired and we became friends. I quit working there but we stay in contact through instant messaging off and on. In July I went back home to Arkansas for the first time in almost two years. While I was home we had planned to go to lunch while he was on his lunch break one day. So I get home and give him a call to arrange the time and place for lunch. Apparently he and his girlfriend and had a massive fight over the lunch and according to him, were barely speaking to each other. So here enters the girlfriend. Sometime after I quit working at the university, this girl was hired and that’s how she and my friend met and began dating.

So when I heard that they had had a huge fight, I suggested that it might not be a good idea to get together or at the very least she should come along so she could see for herself that our friendship was completely platonic. What was then decided was that I would stop by their house one afternoon to meet her and we would catch up on stuff there. Based on this I was under the assumption that they had worked out their differences and that she was ok with this arrangement. It was quite clear when I got there however, that they had resolved nothing and the whole time was awkward and tense. Not to mention she had the TV on while we sat in the front room and kept talking about whatever it was that she was watching. After about 40 min. or so, my friend got up to go get their take out they had ordered and asked if I wanted to ride with him or stay at the house. Hmm, let’s see. How about neither? No way did I want to stay in that house alone with her and that would really ease the tension if I took off with him. So I said I had to get going and just left.

Fast forward to this past week. I went home for Christmas and once again had planned to get together with him for lunch. Let me also just say that he was not the first, last, or only person I met up with while I was home. Anyway, I caught him online and asked what day and time he wanted to meet up. He picked a day but wasn’t sure about a time so we decided that we would just meet up on IM later that week to settle the details. On Friday morning (the day we were supposed to have lunch) I noticed he was online so I asked when and where. No response. So I logged off and tried back a few hours later. Again no response. So I give him a call because I had other plans for that day and needed to know what the deal was. He answered and said that he’s sick and can’t make it but maybe the next time I’m in town we can get together. Was he sick or not? I don’t know but no biggie, I said ok catch you later and went on with the other plans I had for the day. I flew back here to Utah to find this in my email:

Natalie,
You don’t really know me, though we’ve met once. And I’m sure you’ve heard my name mentioned by Jeremy. I am Jolene, his girlfriend.. I am sure that you have very little to do with this problem that i see, but since Jeremy will not address it, I will. I do not know you, and you didn’t seem in to much of a state to get to know me the one time you came to my house. I would appreciate it if you would no longer contact Jeremy, especially to ask to go on a lunch date. Jeremy assures me that it is totally platonic, and maybe it is. But this is the second time i was informed after the fact (and not by Jeremy) that you and he had lunch plans. I consider it extremely disrespectful. You can send him a copy of this if you’d like, it really won’t change anything. So i’d appreciate it if you would just erase him from your contacts. If you see him on line, ignore him. And by no means try to make any further lunch dates with him.
Jolene
My first thought is that this is ridiculous and she can’t possibly be serious because last time I check neither one of us were 14. But apparently she is serious and to that I give an emphatic eye roll followed by a good grief, among other things. So let’s review the facts:
1. I’ve known and been friends with him longer than she has by a few years.
2. I don’t even live in the same state as they do and have only gone home to visit twice in over 2 years. There’s no secret get togethers going on.
3. He is not the only person I call to go visit when I’m home and she knows this b/c we talked about me visiting with other people on the crew that she knows.
4. I had no idea he hadn’t told her about our lunch plans and at least the first time I asked if she wanted to come along.
5. I’m not the one that made contact with him on IM and as a matter of fact I can count on one hand how many times I’ve initiated contact with him through IM.
  So I thought about sending her a response explaining everything but the whole thing is just so lame. I’m sorry the two of   you are having major relationship problems especially in the area of trust but that’s not my fault. What I will say is thanks for the laugh psycho. I needed it.
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2 thoughts on “Green is Definitely Her Color

  1. The way I see it…you have been the equivalent of “double-dog dared”. In our world you do not have the option of backing down.

    Arkansas common law dictates that you have three options…

    1. Immediately invite the male in question to a lunch date and copy her on the email.

    2. Put a horse head in her bed.

    3. Show her your mean face…looks like you have a quite a few options there.

  2. LOVED the first option! Right after I read the email I called my best friend and read it to her and she said I should do one of 2 things. Email her thanking her for the hardy laugh and direct her to my blog (although I really don’t want her on my blog) or email him, copying his girlfriend’s email and tell him to deal with it already. Your first option is way funnier and would probably be a bigger slap in the face seeing as how I’m not even in Arkansas anymore and can’t really go to lunch with him. Hmm, something to think about.

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